Reply to What is a "pick me" woman?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OMG I know- we could all just label each other as a form of judgement and shame!

OK- I’ll start, here goes!

Queen bees
Wanna bees
Pick mes
Cool girl
Nature girl
Sporty spice
Scary spice
Baby spice

We will just wear signs so guys can pick what they want. 
Soooooooo very pro social and mature!
You should definitely include the list on facebook and have to check which “spice” you are![/quote]

I guess I'm "nature girl" but that label doesn't bother me because I like nature. You can label me that if you want! It's appropriate.

You're just mad because someone has assigned one of the less flattering labels to you and it struck a bit too close to home. I can read this thread and think about "pick me" behavior and recognize that I've definitely been guilty of it in the past. It's embarrassing to admit, but I think it's valuable to do it and I'm glad I understand the dynamic now so that I can avoid it in the future, and also educate my daughter about it.

Pick me behavior is toxic, woman-agains-woman behavior. So, for that matter, is queen bee behavior. You are getting hung up on the idea that it's wrong to label people and fine, agree that calling someone a "pick me" like it's not something she can change is probably not useful. But are you really saying you don't understand this is a set of behaviors that are harmful and pit women against each other in a way that puts men in control, because it's a behavior that puts men in the position of choosing? Do you really not get this? Your objections are getting ridiculous at this point.[/quote]

Yes, I am hung up that women labeling other women is toxic as it reduces a person to a stereotype. You seem to agree.  So great.

I think anytime people start competing, labeling and fighting rather than expressing their feelings everyone loses. This is the overall issue with social media, Karen, simp, alpha anyway.  We are all reducing ourselves to moments of behavior posted on line rather than humans that suck sometimes and triumph others (Same person is capable of both).

I guess I think that men aren’t stupid and when I dated a long time ago, if there was a guy couldn’t see through a girl lying to him about the amount of time she takes to put make up on or that she is being manipulative when asking “Who’s eyes are better?”  I wouldn’t really want to date him either.  So who cares? If he didn’t understand it that night, he probably would when he signed the divorce papers or at some point in between.  
[/quote]

The point is not "who gets the man." The point is "don't dump on other women IN ORDER TO get the man." The man is not the point.

I am going to keep calling out toxic behavior when I see it. The argument that in calling out toxic behavior, I am being toxic, is circular logic that doesn't hold up. Telling a woman in my life, "You're being a 'pick me' and using me to make yourself look good for men, and it's not cool with me," is not the same as a woman pointing at me and saying "look how much better I am than her." One is me addressing a conflict with another woman directly. The other is a woman just demeaning me to try and make herself look good for a man. If you can's see the difference between those two, I cannot help you.

I don't give a flying f--- about the man in these scenarios. [/quote]

Of course you should call out toxic behavior, but why label the person while you are doing it? You can come
up with other ways to call out the behavior rather than “you are being a pick me.” What add that in? It doesn’t help you message and puts you in the position of creating an out group to help you justify your feelings. You can find and call out the behavior bad and toxic because you don’t like it without the power of others opinions which is what you are doing by using labels. Stand up for your feelings without labeling you will actually feel
More empowered if you can do it that way.
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