Reply to How many parents still financially support their middle age adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have several friends who receive money from parents who choose to gift it during life rather than leave it until death.  None of these friends need it for basic support but [b]they spend it on themselves and their kids[/b] just as the parents intend.  If I had money to leave my kids, I would certainly rather see them vacationing and doing fun things during my (and their) life than giving them a lump sum when I die. [/quote]

If my parents had given me money in my 40s, I would have spent it on charity, not on my family.

I think it's incredibly infantalizing for parents to continue to support their children in their 40s.

I have a very very rich friend who told her children from the get-go that they were always welcome to live with them, but that they need to make their own way in the world, and that after college, they were on their own.

The kids have turned out really well, unlike the trust-fund babies that end up having pretty worthless lives. They are independent and live within their means. They know their parents will support them if they are in a crisis, but they were raised to behave like adults and support themselves. One child asked her parents to pay for grad school, and the parents agreed because the child laid out a very good reason for wanting to go (to the #1 program in her field).

We've told our children the same thing: they are on their own after college unless they want to live with us. Two are living on their own and are successful (for a person in their 20s). The youngest two are in college, but they've heard the message loud and clear.

I have trust fund baby friends, and I feel kind of sorry for them because none has ever cut the apron strings, even long after their parents have died. They still live on mom and dad's money. They've never learned how to live within their means because they've never had to. One friend made very stupid financial decisions after he inherited a big pile of money from his dad because he had no idea how to budget his money, had never learned how to invest, how to take care of his finances. He just put his hand out, and his dad wrote a check. That's not how the real world works, and it's kind of pathetic. [/quote]

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