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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse is a big law partner.  We send our kids to public school and have a house that is in the cheaper area of bethesda (oxymoron) and mostly live like UMC people — nothing designer, our house is super outdated, our cars are heaters, kids don’t go to those expensive sleepaway camps, etc.  we do splurge on vacations because he is so overworked that he wants vacations just to be as easy as possible.  I think you need to make decisions about where to spend your money to keep your sanity.

We have a ton saved up because he has always wanted to quit but for him the golden handcuffs has really been finding something that is equally prestigious and would not require moving cross country.  At a certain point it becomes hard to off ramp because you are so senior no one wants to hire you for a regular old job.  He now has sort of a plan of trying to retire at 55 and get a job with a non-profit.  We’ll see if that happens.  [/quote]

In this scenario do you have a job?

[/quote]

SAHWs are a big part of the golden handcuff problem.  Them not working, and having lots of expensive nice stuff, beach houses on the coast, etc. are a reason the men often have to keep working.  [/quote]

While that’s true, it’s much MUCH harder to make partner and then later become a rainmaker if your spouse has a demanding job. I’m not saying it can’t be done. I’m saying a SAH spouse is a cheat code for doing it and doing it well. I was so frustrated by how much better my male peers at it at home. [/quote]

Why didn’t your husband stay at home then?  It’s not against the law.  [/quote]

He’s a partner at another firm. [/quote]

That doesn't answer the question.[/quote]

He didn’t become a SAHP because he was also a career-oriented person enjoying great success at what he wanted to be doing. [/quote]

ok, so the bottom line is that you really have no right to be "frustrated" with your male colleagues because they and their spouses made different choices than you and yours.  your frustration should be with your spouse, not your colleagues, because it was his choices and not theirs that have made your path more difficult.  [/quote]

I wasn’t frustrated *with them.* I reject the argument that SAHWs are a cause of golden handcuffs. I think without them many of these men would have sterling silver handcuffs at best. Reading is fundamental. [/quote]

ok, so you're not frustrated with your colleagues, you're not frustrating with their wives, and you're not frustrated with your husband.  you're just generally frustrated, but not with anyone in particular.  got it.  it was your word, btw, not mine.[/quote]

I was frustrated that it was difficult to run our lives with two big jobs. But the post was not about my frustration. It was about the comment that SAHWs are a cause of golden handcuff stress. [/quote]

ok, fair enough.  just do the world a favor and don't take out your frustrations on women associates.  women partners are the worst sometimes.  their attitude if often "i did it the hard way, so why shouldn't you?"[/quote]

You are absolutely wild. Nothing in my posting suggests this is my worldview. [/quote]

I never suggested that it was.  More of a general observation.  Sorry for giving the wrong impression.  [/quote]

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