Reply to My friend seems surprised her ex is thriving domestically

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I think coming here you are going to get people who are REALLY dug in on their own narratives about the problems in their own marriage and overrelate to your friend or her husband and their whole life view revolves around this.

I would suggest that you actually have a different problem. It isn't about this marriage, it is about the fact that your friend is so focused on her husband being terrible so far after the fact. I had a friend who would just laser in on a wrong and it was ALL she talked about nonstop, sometimes for years. She would rehash drama until the cows came home. At some point it becomes very difficult to hear people talk about the same problem they've been talking about for years/months without doing anything to help themselves.

You have a problem because your friend talks about this so much that it has become the thing you talk about and you disagree with her which makes listening to her complaining about it in a supportive way even harder.

I personally would say this to her, "Susie, you know I love you, but I think your anger at Brad has become really all consuming and it isn't healthy. You have to learn to put the past behind you, not just for you, but for your kids."

I grew up in a situation where my divorced parents hated each other and I just will not entertain mindless endless bashing of an ex because IMO that type of poisonous venting, if really left unchecked, creates an incredibly toxic coparenting relationship and no matter who I'm friends with, when there is a divorce I'm always thinking of the kids, probably because no one ever thought about me.

But regardless you should say something or slowly distance because you either care enough to try to get your friend to change, or you just can't be around someone who is toxically complaining about something 24/7 for MONTHS.  [/quote]

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