Reply to When did you realize that your parents didn't care about you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom reminded me all my life that I was an unplanned pregnancy and that she was hoping for a boy. But she got a girl. She repeated to me often that she was given advice to ignore my cries as an infant so she did that. She says it wasn’t necessary to attend to my needs, it was okay to let me cry.

At some point she lost my birth certificate and I had to order a new one so that I could apply for a passport.

So I guess I’ve had an inkling for a while of where I stood in her life. As an adult, I realize how seriously fked up it was that a mom would say this stuff to a kid.[/quote]

Losing something means they don’t care? I mean the rest definitely is bad but I have ADHD and lose stuff all the time. And I care about my DC immensely! [/quote]

It's a metaphor isn't it?

Did you lose your child's birth certificate? How about the one that has their little feet? Did you lose it because it was mixed up with the bills, the newspaper....[/quote]

NP I've had to replace so much paperwork. I lost everyone's birth certificates in a move (mine included). I lost one of my kids' birth certificates when I had to take it to the school for registration and didn't immediately put it away when I got home. I had to reorder mine to get a passport, but I can't remember if I had replaced it after it was lost in the move and I lost it again or just never replaced it. I've spent about $300 replacing documents. It's a stupid problem, but I'm getting better. It has absolutely no bearing on how much I love my children. [/quote]

You have adhd. Not all moms have adhd.[/quote]

A lot of people have undiagnosed ADHD. That doesn’t mean they don’t suffer from the symptoms. Even with the diagnosis, people would often still rather blame than be kind.

PP’s mom sounds like a piece of work though. She sounds like someone who didn’t want a child but didn’t have options, and took it out on PP instead of finding a healthy way to deal with her emotions. It’s sad all around.

My own mother was a teen mom who was pressured into marriage and keeping me. Instead of advocating for sex ed (she promoted abstinence only) and reproductive rights, she felt like she suffered the consequences so everyone else should too. She actually said that to me. I’m a consequence. A punishment for her carnal sin  :roll:  She was able to climb out of the hellscape that teenage motherhood offers, but unfortunately she would rather look down on others rather than boost people up. I was frequently reminded how lucky I was that she didn’t believe in abortion and that she chose to educate herself to give me and my sister a better life. Of course to do that, she had to use family members to babysit us, including family members who welcomed into their home a man who molested her and then chose not to believe her when she told them what he did. But good job her, she got an education and had a baby, regardless of what happened to anyone else, so no sympathy to anyone else who gets pregnant unintentionally. [/quote]

Sorry, obviously my adhd meds have worn off and I went on a rant off topic to our side thread but relevant to the main thread. I learned really young that my mom cared for show but not for real. She definitely didn’t care more for me than for herself.

She had this story she liked to tell. The point was that a) she didn’t murder me and b) it’s totally understandable why moms shake their babies. I was colicky, maybe a few weeks-months old. Still a young infant if not newborn. She was sleep deprived and I would not stop crying. She was holding me and I sort of paused and dozed, so she dozed, and something set me off again waking her. She said it took everything she had to not shake me or worse (she said the thing she impulsively wanted to do to me). I was supposed to feel grateful that she hadn’t done those things. Once she told me that and I cried, and asked if she really wanted to kill me. She said she had that impulse in the moment, but that she didn’t actually want to kill me and she would have definitely regretted it if she had. This conversation was when I was in middle school and I’d been hearing this story for years at that point.

Some people shouldn’t be parents. [/quote]

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