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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes. YATA.

I mean, but you know that right? OP has to be a troll. He's been sober for over 15 years and now you want to distance yourself from him? You should get over yourself first. And if you're like this in general, he probably won't miss your "distance". [/quote]

I don't know. I do think there is some real trauma here and her reaction isn't trolling so much as dysfunctional.

I will say that even in this thread, addiction really is viewed differently. Some people said they would never, ever have an addict in their lives because of their own experience with addicts previously. So, OP isn't way, way off.

I do think 15 years is different. But what about five? Or even that previous alcoholic PP with much less time sober? [/quote]

Here's the thing though - you can't move the goalposts and the situation is what it is and not some hypothetical. Presumably she's had a relationship of some sort with this BIL for as long as her sister has been married to him so there's that. If his past of over a decade ago then makes her clutch her pearls and lock up the silver then I think it's HER character in question - not his.

Outside of just being plain judgmental, and notwithstanding her "trauma" of being raised by an alcoholic - she must have learned through her adult and lived experiences that people are more than the sum of their parts and that many people have overcome their own traumas and how they coped - to include addiction to become better people. Instead of applauding how well someone has done and has proven for at least 15 YEARS that he's sober, she now wants to bash him and her perception has changed to negative.

That's just wrong. And she knows it. Her sister never should have told her tbh because she'll use this as a reason to consider him not so great, or her judging her sister of making bad decisions and neither being true with what's presented.

How one deals with adversity, trauma, addiction, flaws, etc. is way more important than what the issue was - and in this case, he identified he had a problem and actually took the steps to resolve it within himself. That's actually a reason to admire someone more - not less. I suspect she wanted a reason not to like him all along unless there's more that OP is not sharing.
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