Reply to Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m all for boundaries and not spending time with ILs.

But I’m having trouble coming up with a convincing reason for not spending Christmas with your ILs when it means a lot to your DH and you don’t celebrate the holiday.

[/quote]

Where did OP say she didn’t celebrate the holiday? She wants to celebrate the holiday with her immediate family. That is a completely reasonable request. There are a lot of people who don’t celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday and instead celebrate it as family time/a gift giving occasion. Just because her family of origin don’t celebrate it doesn’t automatically mean she has do celebrate it with her in-laws. She gets to start her own family traditions. I’m not saying to ignore her husbands wishes, but there needs to be a compromise and not just what he wants.

I would say spend Christmas morning at home like you did during Covid. Then go to the in-laws for christmas dinner or something along those lines. It is totally off that your husband won’t even listen to you and take your feelings into account. [/quote]

OP said herself that she isn’t Christian so Christmas isn’t an important holiday. If she wants to spend time with the family and exchange gifts, they can do that any day. It doesn’t have to be done on Christmas Day. I loathe spending time with my ILs, so I feel for her, but marriage sometimes means doing things for your spouse, even if you’d rather not. This seems like an easy opportunity to make her spouse happy and make deposits into their marriage “bank”.

Let’s reverse things for a minute, though. Insert any holiday into my example:

My DW wants to spend every Diwali with her family. I am not Hindu so spending Diwali with my family isn’t a priority, but I’m tired of spending every Diwali with the ILs. DW says her family pressures her to celebrate with them, but I think she really just enjoys it, too. My kids also enjoy it because it really is a fun time, but I’m getting tired of taking a beautiful fall weekend for Diwali when we could be in a pumpkin patch or hiking on a trail somewhere. Has anyone been able to convince their partner to not spend Diwali with their families? I’d rather take off on a weekend trip before the weather gets too cold and there are limited weekends in the fall to enjoy the season.

Do you see how this comes across?[/quote]

Can you point out where she said she didn’t celebrate Christmas?  It sounds like her extended family doesn’t, but she’s does want to celebrate it with her kids in a different way than what her husband did growing up.

I am not religious, but I celebrate Christmas and it is important to me to make memories with my children. And maybe it is selfish, but I don’t always want to do that the same way DH did it growing up.

Do you spend all your holidays with your in-laws?[/quote]

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