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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not a progressive, but I do actually prefer male babysitters! I have 3 boys, 1 with asd, and the boys just handle the energy better. But it took a very trusted family friend’s son and some time to get there. Ultimately I decided I had to look/assess the individual. [b]Now I just wish more males would go into early education and therapist roles.[/b] Oh well! [/quote]

We have a son who would love to pursue a career in education and it is extremely difficult to support him.  DH and I look often tease about we hope he finds a doctor wife or someone who was born with money.  It's unfortunate that we can't just tell him to go out and do what he loves. [/quote]

Why can’t you? I don’t get it. You don’t think he would make enough money but you would be ok with a daughter making the same? Or is it that you don’t think he will get hired as a man ? [/quote]

I will answer you honestly. I don't think he could support a family on that salary. I think that women have the "luxury" (put in quotes because I'm well aware that it's a double-edged sword as I've lived it myself) to choose a lucrative career and then, when kids are born, decide that they are actually better off staying home to care for the children, whether that's forever or just for a bit of time. Not all women feel that way but, just in my experience, I've found that there is a strong biological need for women to stay close to their children when they are young.  Some women don't feel that way and some are able to put that desire behind them because they have to work for one reason or another.  But men, for the most part, are usually left to keep working to support the family or are told that they don't make enough so they have to stay home to care for the kids (when their biological desire to do so is often lacking).  It's usually the woman who has the choice in deciding how this all goes down.

I am very aware that these are generalizations but, without knowing how the future job or economic landscape will be, it's difficult to encourage our son to pursue a career where his salary won't be able to absorb the impact of his partner's choices as they start a family. I want him to be able to tell his partner to do as she sees fit when it comes to their children and her role as a mother. I don't want him to have to look her in the eye and tell her that they need her to stay at her job and put their kid in care when she would otherwise choose to stay home.  Of course, if he felt he could stay home and watch the kids and her income could sustain the family, that would be great! But how do you anticipate that when your 19 year old is trying to choose a career?[/quote]

I see where you're coming from but I also see that this mindset perpetuates the gender gap. You have higher expectations career-wise for your son than you would have for a daughter. You think a man needs income more than a woman does. Saying that women can have the luxury to stay home is really a long shot or can be damaging her earning potential for life. In short, this is how we continue pushing girls towards disposable low pay jobs and boys towards high pay jobs. The reality is that most households need 2 jobs are many that don't still prefer the security of having 2 paychecks. I don't know. Maybe things are different in different circles, but I never ever expected to be able to stay home.[/quote]

I'm a lawyer. I blew up my career because, once I had those kids, I couldn't imagine giving one more ounce of energy and ambition to some stupid firm while others, whom I didn't know, were staying with my kids. I did keep working after my first child because I thought that's what I wanted.  In fact, it was what I wanted at that point. By the time I had my second child, I felt differently. When it comes to one's individual family, the overarching problems with the gender gap are a far cry away from what you believe is best. I was lucky my spouse could support all of my choices. I hope my son is one day in a position to support his partner's choices. I don't have a daughter. If I did, I would encourage her to pursue any career she wanted and hope (or maybe warn her) that she isn't one day in a position where her chosen career feels like the proverbial ball and chain.[/quote]

You blew up your career because being a lawyer at a firm sucks and is completely unforgiving and inflexible when you have kids.  Bad choice.  Except if you’re a man and are going to need to support your family right?  Then it’s amazing.

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So you're saying women shouldn't become lawyers for firms? That's horrible.[/quote]

I don't think anyone should become a lawyer for a firm.  They are horrible jobs.  Ask me how I know.  The point is this poster advising her son not to be a teacher because he won't be able to support a family when his wife wants to (and deserves to according to her) stop working is definitely affected by the top of job she had.

Lots of people choose careers with future family balance in mind and want to work while having children and prefer this setup for a 2-parent working family so that BOTH parents can have a balanced life and spend quality time with their children.

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