Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Posts like OP’s always stir up such venom and sanctimony.  The suggestion that a cheating spouse can’t love their kids or be a good parent is ridiculous.  Another poster hit it right on the head: most cheaters don’t ever think they will get caught, are compartmentalizing and the parenting part of them is often doing just fine.  It’s only when they get caught that there’s a problem.

No one knows what’s going on in anyone else’s head, and no one is in any position to judge anyone else’s parenting simply because there’s infidelity in the marriage.

It’s interesting.  I follow the college admissions forum and I see a lot more damage being done to children there than the theoretical damage that can be done by a cheating spouse.  [/quote]

It isn't theoretical but very real damage. I'd love to know whether any of the posters who claim kids are not affected negatively by cheating have actually asked  children how they feel once they find out. Because most of them will find out. And it will affect them. [/quote]

DP - my dad had an affair, which ended my parents’ marriage when my mom found out.  Their marriage was pretty awful for most of my childhood, but they seemed to reach a calmer period as I got older.  In hindsight, I think my father’s affair was related to grief over the loss of my mom’s parents, with whom he was very close.  So, I have empathy for him, but to a point, considering that he had this affair shortly after my mom lost BOTH her parents in a six month stretch.  The lousy marriage was hard to grow up with, and the way it ended was hard to tolerate.  It took me years of therapy to be able to find a good, stable partner in my DH.  My sibling never got there.

It’s hard when kids find out their foundation is hollow.  If you stay, OP, think about how you’d defend that to your kids.  A one-off affair is one thing; years of deceit, with multiple partners, is another.[/quote]

All it meant was that he realized life was short and wanted to go out and get some.[/quote]

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