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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]H and I have both checked out of the “couple” part of marriage, but want to do right by our DC. As long as we can peacefully coexist, we believe our family benefits logistically and financially from staying together so do not wish to divorce. Even when DC grows up, these benefits will continue - no juggling visits or dividing the nest egg, etc.

Are we being realistic in thinking we can pull this off? We do our best to maintain a normal facade for our still young DC, but can’t exactly fake being in love. As DC gets older, will it become obvious we are neither emotionally nor physically intimate, and if so, are we harming DC’s chances of forming healthier relationships? Neither of us want DC to have a marriage like ours.

If anyone here has made a parenting marriage last, your advice would be greatly appreciated![/quote]

In my view, of course it will be damaging to your child to have the primary adults in his life model a loveless, sexless partnership, that is based upon, "logistical convenience and finances". I can't imagine that he is also seeing two people who are happy or supportive either.

It sounds like a very sad environment for producing a well adjusted adult. I suggest you seek therapy to explore why you have made this choice. I think it suggests warped values. For the sake of your child, I hope that you gain clarity about what is important to give him (Hint: it is  not a fancy house).[/quote]

It’s more than just convenience. The unpredictable and extremely demanding nature of H’s job is such that he would be unable to share custody unless he quit (which thus far he has been unwilling to do). While that’s his own choice, I believe DC would suffer greatly from not seeing H on a regular basis.[/quote]

This is from your post: "we believe our family benefits logistically and financially from staying together "

So it sounds like a very highly paid Nanny position you are seeking, maybe? All the while living a lie to your child and relatives/friends?

If your spouse admits that he does not have time for half custody guess what, the judge will not grant it to him.

You keep changing your reasoning. I think you are afraid to make the change, and are not considering your child's welfare first (though you are telling yourself that you are.)[/quote]

I’m not OP.  I think you are neglecting to envision all the very less positive things that can happen when people divorce, as well.  It’s not just about having “a house.”  So many things could become far worse for the child, and/or for the parent.  Financially, sure, but beyond that, emotionally, etc.  It’s very complicated.

This particular family’s dynamic is not one of abuse.  The OP has had recent realizations and they are okay with what is going on.  Maybe now that there is awareness, things can settle, resentments may be able to be worked through, and the kid can have a home where he can grow while loved, safe, and cared for without significant disruption.  Maybe mom can find some peace now, no longer spending as much emotional energy on this soon, and be able to pursue things she likes to do, friendships to bring her joy.  Maybe something more in the future.[/quote]

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