Reply to In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Although I am fine with everyone celebrating Christmas however they want, our family has a lot of family traditions that we look forward to every year and I would be disappointed if I found out MIL had invited the neighbour family. Obviously her choice but it would change everything about the day for us and the kids. We hang out in PJs which I would not do with strangers and we have lots of just family chat and jokes that would not be appropriate with strangers at the meal. It is a very different social event when people you have never met are present vs family you are comfortable with. We also open gifts throughout the day and since we wouldn’t have gifts for the neighbour family, we wouldn’t do our gift giving as it would be very rude to do in front of others, especially kids. We also play games in the afternoon and those can get very competitive but since we all know each other it is a friendly competitive but I wouldn’t be comfortable playing games with a neighbour family present as our banter could make them very uncomfortable and they would be at a disadvantage. Basically all our traditions would need to be put on hold as they are based on a shared foundation and comfort level with each other and having a family present that we don’t know and they don’t know us would mean those traditions would not happen. I also expect my kids to act differently and I supervise them differently when in the company of new people and adults they have never met vs with grandparents and well known family.

OP has a right to do Christmas as she wishes but I can see why MIL is disappointed if she thought she was coming to spend Christmas with family vs with neighbours she has never met.[/quote]

Yes, everyone has traditions, including, as others have pointed out, welcoming people to share in their celebrations. 
A lot of the descriptions of your family traditions seem very kid-focused, and the OP doesn’t have any kids. Are you suggesting that as adults, things like opening gifts, wearing PJs, playing games, and banter are so essential to some celebrations that altering them to welcome guests — including children — would be problematic for you and your husband?

[/quote]

Of course, some might have a Christmas tradition of come one, come all but it doesn't seem like that is the case for OP. I am sure if there was a post on here by someone who went to MILs for Christmas but found neighbours there, there would be tons of responses that MIL can hang out with neighbours any day, rather than needing to spend Christmas Day with them as well when family have driven from out of town to visit.

For me, if I found out that MIL/ FIL who we were travelling to for Christmas wanted it to be a neighbour event, we would probably stay home and do our own thing and visit at a better time when we can spend time with our in law's versus our in-laws neighbours. As I said, I like to be able to be comfortable and relaxed on holidays - not on our best behaviour because there are strangers and new families to meet and get to know and include. I have no issue with dinner parties with new people but they take a lot more energy than hanging out with family, and on major holidays, I prefer to hang out with family and be comfortable and relaxed, rather than having joint celebrations up with other families I have never met. [/quote]

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