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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP--- I don't think you have the full story. Have you spoken to your mother about why she moved away? My guess is that she needed support from her family to help raise you. Your dad was an alcoholic. Would you want your kids exposed to that? i believe you should give your mom the benefit of the doubt. She was in a very stinky situation. It's not like she just divorced your dad for philandering  or because they couldn't get along. Your dad had an addiction problem. That is a much different situation. I wouldn't blame your mom for what happened. The blame really falls with your dad. He didn't get the help he needed, even after his kids were taken away. Your mom did the best she could with what she had. You need to have a discussion with your mom to find out what really went down.[/quote]

This is very well stated.[/quote]

As an adult child of an alcoholic i give this post a +1 overall. Its true that your mom is not perfect either, but she was the person who kept you kids safe and provided a stable home for you, and sounds like she needed family support to do it after the divorce. You don't have the full picture of your dad's behavior. It's commendable that he was able to prioritize spending time with you and stayed sober (as far as you know) during those limited visit times. But there are many points where he chose addiction over family, which is what led to your parents divorce and his medical complications.

I think it's human nature to explore "what ifs" but there is a very real chance that if you spent more time with your dad you would have been exposed to more dysfunction and may have seen him more when he was not on his "best behavior". With addiction, the family and friends of the addict can't do anything to make the person drink/not drink- for example, don't think that you being closer would have made him more likely to be sober, it doesn't worh that way. What you can control is setting healthy boundaries with an addict and have them in your life to the degree that is healthy for you.

AA, adult children of alcoholics, and/or therapy are a good idea to process this. I would also encourage you not to place too much misdirected anger with your mother, and to see if you are able to understand more of what led to her decisions. [/quote]

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