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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I think you have the right idea to pull back, accept this is how they are and find your comfort zone. You can't change the dynamic so no need to be so invested in it.

If you and your twin hang out no need to tell anyone or post photos (if you normally do). Don't make plans with parents that can't be crashed by sister. Stay in a hotel when you visit and always have an escape excuse.

I relate to so many things you wrote and I got sick of trying to explain to anyone who doesn't have this dynamic. I used to get worked up like your post, but now I expect the crazy and when it comes I think "yep, there it is, typical." They will not change because it's all they know and it brings them some sort of strange comfort to keep doing what they do.[/quote]

+1 this dynamic exists in my family of origin too. My mom moved to the west coast to be near my sister about 15 years ago. It hurt a lot when I was younger and I was resentful. My sister got all of the help, money, and support our mom had to offer, even though my sister never had children or a demanding career (or a career at all, really). I’m now approaching 50 and DGAF.

OP, your original post resonated with me. One year, my mom invited my sister to come with her on a visit to see my family without asking me. Yep, she invited my sister and BIL to stay at my house without even running it by me. We hadn’t seen my mom in over a year at that point. My mom wouldn’t uninvite my sister, so I did. It was super awkward, but my sister is hard to take and I really didn’t want to include her. I’ve got dozens of similar stories. My mom has also done the thing where she invites herself on my family’s trips and then tries to include my sister. I’ve stopped mentioning vacations.

My mom favors my sister. I don’t even think my mom likes me or my husband. I’ve accepted it. [/quote]

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