Reply to Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are a frequent poster, and if I remember correctly:
- You have longstanding grievances about your BIL's involvement with his mother's care.
- However, you and your husband moved your MIL to specifically be near you, but you frequently grumble about how your BIL doesn't fly in to help with the day-to-day care of his mother.  
- It appears you made this bed, and now are unhappy with it.  [/quote]

I think I remember the OP too. She posted more than a year ago saying that she and her husband were going to move her MIL near them. 
And I remember her complaining about her retired BIL. 
I also remember OP sounded very stressed then.

OP, why did you and your husband move your MIL to be near YOU? 
Why not near your BIL? Are there any other siblings?
What plan did you and your husband put in place for your MIL's end of life care?[/quote]

DP. Not the OP. But how on Earth was OP's husband supposed to "move (the) MIL" to be "near the BIL"? How nonsensical. You mean, did the BIL consider having mom move near him or did the DH discuss with BIL which would be the better location for mom as she aged.

We don't know the answer to that and I don't think OP is obliged to give us an answer because that is a moot point now. It's  just like DCUM, though, to dig up an OP's past posts (or think it has done so) and say, "Aha, you don't like your BIL anyway, so there!" Just not useful at this point.

BIL is four hours away, OP says his son isn't suicidally depressed (as one PP actually theorized for a reason BIL might not visit MIL!), and BIL isn't seeming to see any urgency here whereas OP, who with DH has boots on the ground, so to speak, does see some urgency.

OP, I've been where you are almost literally. It's immensely upsetting when there is a wide gap between family members' perceptions of the urgency of a situation. "Wait and see, she was moving a bit more today"  can become "I'm calling to tell you some sad news...." in a blink, when it comes to stroke (at ANY age) and when it comes to a patient the age of your MIL (with any condition). Still, knowing that, I would drop this. He knows she's had a stroke; he's been informed of its severity (right?) and DH (not you! DH) can call him at a set time each day, once a day ONLY, with a brief update. I'd do that--make it a fixed thing so it's not always hanging over your heads. Then carry on as if BIL isn't coming and never will come. It will be like a pleasant surprise if he turns up and no more. I know his help, which now would take just the form of his being there to give DH and you a break, would be helpful. But that's not going to happen. I know you and DH must be worried that if MIL dies, BIL will not have taken this chance to see her before that. But that's on him, not on you or DH. Add an element of control for yourselves by setting a "Once daily at 5 p.m., not before or after unless there is a real emergency" call or text and that's IT.

I wish your MIL the best and I hope you and DH get to a point where you can sleep at home instead of at the hospital--it's very wearing on family to do that, but I understand why you're doing it now. Ignore the idiots and nitpickers here who want to rip up every tiny detail you post. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics