Reply to How do I shut down toxic positivity from friends in a nice way?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I have some good friends who know and understand my situation. They’ve been supportive through some dark times. Now, however, I find myself really bothered by what I’d describe as “toxic positivity”. A continually drumbeat of wishful thinking that not only feels really out of touch with what I’m facing but also diminishes the realities of what life will be like for me (will owe alimony to drunk and unstable husband, diminished income, single mother, etc). When I express concerns or worries I get “It’s going to be fine - you never know, you might meet the right person”, or “In no time it will get easier - you’ll feel so good having this behind you,” or “Don’t worry, you can make up the lost $$$” …. These are just not likely true and I get people trying to be upbeat but I’d really like them to cut the BS. Because they know better.

How do I politely let them know that I appreciate the positivity, but the reality is that my life will be hard and I’m not going to find a rainbow and a pot of gold anywhere? There is no white knight. I need them to be supportive without blowing silly sunshine. How do I express this? By the way, I don’t often express my worries - I save that for therapy. But on the rare occasion I do, I get this saccharine Pollyanna stuff.[/quote]

They may well be overly optimistic in the way they are characterizing the future, but honestly, perhaps understandably, your outlook is overly negative.  It sounds like you have been through a lot, but part of the reason their responses sound "false" to you is that you are assuming the most negative possible outcome for yourself.  The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.[/quote]

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