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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see a problem in DH telling his mom only because our moms live so close to each other and know several of the same people.  Isn't it common courtesy to let people share their health status with those around them if they wish?  If our moms lived in different cities, NBD.[/quote]

My mom passed away from Pancreatic Cancer -- which is one of THE deadliest forms of cancer.

At first my mom thought she wanted to keep this private too, but once the cat was out of the proverbial bag, she was amazed to see how much love & support she received from her entire town.  Neighbors set up meals, so my dad wouldn't have to think about it, friends came to clean the house, my dad's friends, some who he hadn't talked to in 10 years, made such an effort to take him out at least once a week to go bowling or play cards,  whatever it was to get his mind off my mom's illness for one night.

In fact, a person that lived within our town that we didn't know, is a highly regarded oncologist that we would have NEVER been able to get an appointment with if he hadn't reached out to us -- which he would never have done if it was still kept a secret. 
He gave us 14 more months than anyone predicted she'd have,  and we were SO grateful for that time.

What I'm saying is, secrets are sicknesses... no matter what it's about.

The  absolute LAST thing you should be worried about during this time is who knows what & how do we keep this a secret?  That's so much more pressure, stress & anxiety than you need to deal with during this time. 
In the grand scheme of things, you ALL need love, help & support... keeping a secret won't allow anyone to do that for you.

As I said, initially my mom wanted to keep it a secret because she's a VERY private person -- but I cannot even begin to tell you how her attitude did a complete 180 after she started receiving such selfless, unconditional & incredible love & support from everyone.
She actually said she regrets living her life so private & closed off, because she had no idea how wonderful feeling this way was... and she felt out during the most important time in her life & when she needed it most -- and I'm so thankful she did.

My kids were 4,8 & 10 when she was diagnosed and we told them right from jump. 
You don't NEED to have all of the answers when telling them,  just stay positive & tell them what a fighter grandma is and as a family we're all gonna help her fight!
They understood and colored jet pictures every day, brought her freshly cut flowers to put by her bedside each day,  she taught them the things she's wishes she could've taught them later... and they totally understood when she didn't have the energy to go on. 
Kids are smart & they're very, very perceptive... they already know,  trust me.

Cancer sucks really, really badly, the kat thing anyone needs is to feel embarrassed or ashamed for having cancer, and thats the feeling that usually comes with having to *hide * it

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