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[quote=Anonymous]My mom was like you, OP. She's very secretive about sharing major health news, even with close, loving family members, like her own siblings. When my dad's cancer came back, she told me not to tell anyone. Ok, but when relatives who knew of his previous battle with cancer ask me about him, what was I to do? So I told her, I wouldn't bring it up with people, but don't ask me to lie either.

When she got cancer years later, I was the sole caregiver, and I needed support, both emotionally or physically. Again she was being all secretive about it, didn't want me to tell a soul. I had to push back on it a bit, because I could not carry the burden all by myself (logistically I had to arrange my life completely differently to care for her). She'd relent after that, but man it was like pulling teeth each time, and added extra stress. She'd been controlling her whole life and this was just one more area of control for her.

Think of what you're asking your H. And the root reason why your default is secrecy. If you're this worked up over this sharing issue, I'd imagine he's getting stressed out too, and needed someone in his corner for emotional support. That's why it's natural for him to share with his own mother. Your coping strategy is to burrow down and clam up, his coping strategy is different. Neither of you are wrong but you need to stop this crusade to convince everyone, including the internet, that only your way of handling things is the right way.[/quote]

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