Reply to How to Fix This DH and MIL Issue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I also grew up in a secretive dysfunctional family, so I get where you're coming from.  The thing is, it makes total sense to you because of the lifetime of back story.  I'm going to share my story with you.  At least 98% of people here will think I'm crazy and they're not necessarily wrong, but it's hard to break those lifetime patterns.  If you also agree that I'm in the wrong, then you might better understand why all of these posters are responding the way they are.

My husband and I are divorcing and no longer live in the same state.  I told my siblings and kids over a year ago, but I have not told my parents.  Maybe I'll never tell them.  For the foreseeable future, I've told my kids and siblings not to tell my parents.  [/quote]

I don't think you're crazy.  One of my siblings got divorced and the experience basically confirmed everything I could imagine would happen WRT my family dynamics.  IMO, if someone wants to know about MY relationship with MY partner, they should talk to ME.  Not my siblings, and certainly not my kids.  I think asking your kids not to share with your parents depends on a few factors, like the age of your kids and their relationship with your parents.  Obviously a 5 year old who sleeps over at grandma's every other weekend couldn't keep that kind of confidence and, more importantly, would likely be upset about the divorce and seek comfort from their grandma.  OTHO, a 35 year old adult who has little to no contact with their grandparent really has no business talking about your relationship with your husband even if your husband is also their father (you didn't specify so that may not even be the case).

I probably should have started with I'm sorry you and your husband are divorcing.  I am sorry.  Any road leading to that is difficult.  Sending lots of hugs your way.

-OP[/quote]

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