Reply to How to Fix This DH and MIL Issue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This seems pretty straightforward to me. OP’s DH shared the bad, frightening cancer news with his mom as almost anyone who grew up in a loving or semi-loving, functional family would, for the all the normal, healthy reasons one does in that scenario. This enables his mom to better support her child, DIL, grandkids, and OP’s mom.  OP wanted to control this information because she was not raised in a functional household and doesn’t seem to understand how “the village” works. Information can often be viewed as a weapon in that sort of childhood. From the follow up posts, it seems likely that OP, while decrying the behavior of her abusive dad, is trying to import dysfunctional ways of dealing with things into her own marriage in a pretty controlling way.  Trying to use HIPAA as a parallel and justification was really something else.

OP, I hope you get some real therapy and don’t rely on DCUM therapy. You are attacking the well-intentioned people in your family for no good reason and doing so at a time when you and your mom could use their support. [/quote]

Well, one thing I eventually learned from my dysfunctional family is that claiming to have good intentions does NOT excuse hurtful outcomes and that one has responsibility for the impact of one's actions regardless of how well intended they are.  [/quote]
I don’t disagree with this, if you are talking about someone who is claiming to have good intentions only to justify their poor behavior. But I’ve read this thread pretty closely and have not seen any indication that your DH behaved in an objectively negative or hurtful way at all, and the fact that you have ended up angry and hurt doesn’t change that at all. You are clearly taking the time to read and respond to the posts on here. I hope that means that you may actually be listening to some of us who think you are overreacting quite strongly to the actions of your DH.

I feel for you, OP, both because it’s really tough to deal with a parent’s serious diagnosis, and because you don’t seem to have the best coping tools. But I really feel for your DH too, who I’m sure feels unjustly attacked, and rightfully so. Maybe it would help to just stop worrying about who is right or wrong here and try to focus on the positives about your DH and your family life until you’ve processed the situation with your mom’s diagnosis and treatment plan. [/quote]

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