Reply to Husband doesn't believe his behavior is abusive

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I don't have any opinions on whether your DH is emotionally abusive or not.  But I am not clear what you were trying to do by showing him articles online to "prove" that he is abusive. Were you trying to shame him into better behavior? That's unlikely to work.
I can tell that you have contempt for your DH, which is a clear sign the marriage is over and you no longer love him.[/quote]

It was to try to help him understand that what he does is a form of abuse. He doesn't understand why when he says mean or inappropriate comments that it upsets the kids. He says he's not responsible for managing their feelings and emotions.

I thought that if he saw the evidence and facts, he'd be open to change and going to therapy. Either solo or couples therapy. He's not, though.

I love him but I'm no longer in love with him as I used to be. [/quote]

I think it was fine to show him the articles and see if he would come around and have a normal response, “hey I read that, thought about it and will work to not say dramatic out downs like that.”

The e fact is he had one of the opposite reactions, one of gaslighting, arguing, denial, no consideration and got belligerent quickly.

That is all telling. But bad news, he’s got some bad issues, disorders and behaviors. They prob won’t change, even with therapy. He’d have to really do the work, and most men with diagnoses and advice don’t do the work.

Lay low and plan your exit. Talk with an individual therapist who can define and pinpoint your husbands underlying issues so you, your lawyer and your kids can develop healthy coping methods to deal with him now and in the future. [/quote]

Lol, if he was convinced by that he would be highly unusual. Most (not all) people get defensive when accused.  
OP, I would not try to diagnose your husband. Start calling marriage counselors, get on wait-lists if you need to, and if the day comes and he won't go, then go to the counselor on your own.[/quote]

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