Reply to How to get over traveling spouse resentment?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A DH here who has had to travel for work. Sound like he's new to travel. It'll get old after a while and mabye he'll cut back anyway. My friends claim they're jealous when I mention how often I fly business class to Asia to meet clients. I actually dread it. 20+ hours of traveling each way; terrible jet lag.. No lie-flat seat or champagne and food on board will make up for that. Once a year is fine.. more than that is a slog.

But more importantly, it sounds like you are focused on the moment and assuming it'll remain that way forever. It won't. The kids will be grown up in a year's time and already in full-time preschool/ES by then. Then they'll be in ES, and so on.. It'll just get easier from that perspective. I had one trip once right after our 2nd DC was born.. like DD was a week old. It was an annual business event that I had to attend. DW knew it -- I'd been going to it for years. I arranged help, and left for back home the moment it finished, minimizing to being gone only 3 days. She understood -- we made it work.

Nowadays kids are in ES and it's no big deal if I need to go on a trip. They grow up. You're in a really tough stage, but it's giong to get better.[/quote]

LOL, clueless husband alert. You should ask your DW what she really thinks of your trips.[/quote]

Huh?

NP, but my husband has to travel for work (also to Asia more often than not), and I don't resent him for it. It's his job. We work together to make it work (I also work full-time and travel sometimes). I don't expect him to land over a 40 hour trip home from Guam and be all sunshine and roses. He's exhausted. His time spent away was stressful and not fun. I get it. My work travel is generally much more enjoyable than his and I appreciate it and can understand the difference. [/quote]

NP - here too. I consider the first day home an additional travel day so he can sleep. Being away for multiple weeks in a vastly different time zone plus long haul flights is exhausting. If he has less pressure to be on that day he’s more available the next. He takes over primary role for a few days too once home. Which I know must  be exhausting after being away. He works really long days while on work travel. Yes there’s more solo hotel time and he’s able to decompress in quiet but it’s still very much work trip, not leisure. I usually go away for a few nights every third trip. Would do more but it’s not conducive to life. He lets me sleep in a bit during transition too which helps. The period of non travel from pandemic shutdown really helped him see where he could help more - he’s more in synch with family routines now even with return to travel. And because he was home more I was able to sink into sharing roles instead of being so independent (a survival mechanism from when he was away more). [/quote]

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