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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your MIL is 91 and you have 3 young children?  Are you young enough to be your husband’s child?[/quote]

I was wondering that too, but then OP revealed in a follow-up post that she has a 16-year-old. Which is not a "young child", but of course, she could have an infant and toddler at home as well. How old is the husband/son of the 91-year-old?[/quote]

No idea why the fascination or why this matters- but I have a 6, 14 and 16 year old. One husband all our kids. What the heck does that matter? And my husband is 60-  older than me but I’m 50 so not freak show. 
    Point is, I’m driving kids around and have daycare concerns- three kids schedule - all three at different schools- one in track (in season now), competitive dance (in season now), son coaches soccer snd trying out for bball team- and little one plays soccer. So we are busy- brother in law- none of that.

Who knows why my MIL is 91- guess I’ll be sure to ask her why she had kids when she did- since that seems to be part of evaluation. [/quote]

You don't have young kids!  You've got 2 kids old enough to babysit, arrange their own rides and pitch in to help.  One of those kids is even old enough to drive. [/quote]

They're probably also old enough to realize that everyone's time on this earth is limited and that 91 years is more than long enough to be alive. I doubt any of their friends/classmates have relatives that old, so the OP's two oldest kids probably feel grateful that their grandmother has lived as long as she has and, like their uncle, are ready to let her go. They may not be little kids, but they're still pretty young and have their whole lives ahead of them. I think it would be pretty selfish to expect them to make sacrifices for someone who should be dead.[/quote]

“Someone who should be dead”? Where the F is your humanity? So after a certain age people (even those we presumably love and with whom we share a long history)  should just be left alone in the hospital? Their life has no meaning or value, nor does their comfort or dignity? We should not honor them and be there for them? But PP, I cannot fathom your coldness.

Ultimately, OP - you have your value system that you live by and your IL’s have theirs. You cannot control the choices they make, nor their lack of care; I understand your frustration and dismay, but just keep an eye on your own path, the one that gives you peace and lets you sleep at night. But do not martyr yourself and ignore self care - it’s okay to find that balance for yourself.

Yes, they were blessed to live a long life, and not all of us are so fortunate. Yes, every adult has the right to make their own choices about how much elder care they can provide. [/quote]

^oops, posted too soon. Meant to acknowledge that at 91 they have been blessed with a long life and that this isn’t necessarily a “tragedy”. But that does not mean they should die alone or be abandoned and left without support; it doesn’t mean that the family bond becomes worthless (although it’s true that relationships are complicated and this certainly factors into things).[/quote]

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