Reply to If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why didn't DH bring this up before OP gained a full 40 pounds?[/quote]

OP here.  
I gained most of the the weight during my second pregnancy.  After I had my daughter, DH had his own crisis, and I had to help him navigate through that, take care of the kids, and financially support the family since he couldn’t work.  I didn’t lose any of the weight I gained while pregnant.  Once he came out of his crisis, I got pregnant again with the intention of him being a SAHD.  During my pregnancy, he found a dream job in the Midwest.  He moved, and I had the baby, took maternity leave, then wrapped things up with closing down my practice, selling the house, and finding a job near DH.  That took about a year.  And again I didn’t lose all of the weight that I gained while pregnant.

Moving with three little kids was stressful.  I didn’t like the new city, and I missed my support system.  I wanted to move back.  He didn’t.  I thought about murdering him pretty regularly.  To put it mildly, we did not have a marriage built on direct communication.

Over the next couple of years, things got a lot better between us.  He settled in with the new job and wasn’t gone so much.  I found a happy place with my job here.  We made some friends.  Kids got a little older.  Our marriage and family life has been really stable and good and happy for the last couple of years. He also built up his career, and now he makes a lot more money than I do (about twice as much).

I think he brought it up now because 
a) he expected that once all of the turmoil was over, I would lose the weight and I didn’t,
b) he has been thinking that since he makes more money, he “deserves” to have his wife look a certain way, 
and c) because our marriage is stable enough that he felt that he could tell me anything.

So, that is how he didn’t say anything until a decade after I had gained most of the weight.

[/quote]

This sounds like an eating disorder or a control thing where you are forcing him to accept you at your largest[/quote]

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