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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, 
I'm a SAHM and so have more flexibility than you, and I understand the difficulty of not having a village, or help, or even a small amount of it every so often. I'm in a luckier position than you with respect to these things, but I also feel the lack without hiring help. I think that people scolding you as though you said something unreasonable are completely off-base and don't agree with them.

The secret sauce is of course paid help. And while for enough money you absolutely can find someone last minute via FB groups, sitter-city, etc. (I've done it), it's not sustainable and not great if one of you isn't home to keep an eye on things (even while doing other stuff). And even if part-time, it should be consistent enough that they prioritize you, and you might need to have low standards if it's for a short time and not often. A local high school student can be an option.

In terms of building a village: if you don't have an organic social group where you feel comfortable - maybe church, hobby group, etc. is not your thing and you're not a joiner - then you have to do it through individuals. So many people are lonely and secretly wish to have someone they can just call on a slow day to hang out. Moreover, while some moms DO do this weird freeze out, most are just talking to who they know - they're not deliberately trying to exclude anyone in particular or you specifically. I think your best bet is seeking out other loners in the groups you frequent, striking up conversations, exchanging info and finding ways to hang out with just them for play dates - and make sure you can make time for this and be willing to drive farther and bring snacks. Eventually when you're friends (even if not bosom friends, but you can text each other regularly and it's not weird, and do last-minute meetups), you can suggest a babysitting swap, being willing to go first of course, for an hour or two. If your kids are fine and the friend is fine, you can do that again from time to time, and offer to be at their disposal too, if necessary.

I think the theme that I do agree with in a lot of the comments - though I share none of the hostility - is yes, if you want a village, then "be" the village. If you're on the fence about reaching out or supporting for fear of breaching propriety, err on the side of doing it. If someone in the moms' group is struggling, offer what support you can and if they ask for it, show up for them, even if the emotion feels cheesy or insincere.... because if you got someone takeout when they were sick, or participated in the new mom meal train, your insincerity matters less than that you did it.

Good luck! 
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