Reply to “The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Interesting read--thanks for sharing, OP.

I wish the author had included consideration of Attachment Parenting, which was the big thing when my oldest was born, and which I think places outrageous pressure on mothers specifically.  And I say that as a psychologist who wrote a dissertation (literally) on attachment theory!

That she ignores Whole Brain Child is interesting, too, since that book is arguably the most prominent within the genre.  But maybe the examples she chose are more extreme versions of gentle parenting.

I try to be aware of my kids' developmental limitations and to be empathic, but we also have clear boundaries and limits for our kids.  Making everything "child-led" isn't particularly beneficial for kids, IMO.[/quote]

I know this thread isn’t about attachment parenting, but I’m on my third child, and my conclusion after 3 is that attachment parent is actually the easy way to take care of young children. It’s easier to sleep with them and wear/hold them for naps instead of trying to get them to sleep somewhere else. It’s easier to wear them than lugging around a car seat and stroller. It’s easier to just breastfeed them from your boob than pumping, washing bottles, etc. To me, the “pressure” isn’t from attachment parenting. The pressure comes from having to make your child independent asap so you can get back to work, get back in shape, basically pretend you didn’t have a baby. To do that, you need to get the right bassinet, swaddles, pacifier, white noise, get the sleep training books, do sleep training and hope it works, carefully monitor your baby for “drowsy but awake,” buy the bottles, nipples, pumps, wash them all, hope your supply doesn’t drop, get your baby to take a bottle, make sure they’re getting a bottle regularly, etc etc. Oh and do it on no sleep bc you can’t take a real nap unless someone is there to hold your newborn.[/quote]

I also have three kids, and have the entirely opposite opinion of you. It is easier for me to sleep when they are in their own bed, easier for me to exist sharing feeding duties with my husband, easier to push in a stroller then strain my shoulder carrying them around all day.

The reality is that people are different, and people achieve goals differently, and a path that might be very easy for you would be very hard for me and  vice versa. The real problem is trying to make any of these parenting styles the gold standard for for every kid, who, like moms, are all different people who will struggle with different things, and find easy success with others. [/quote]

That last paragraph is the truest thing.  It’s not just personality either — I fully expected to wear my second even more than my first but I also most never do because he’s so long his head bonks my chin.  I think the parenting philosophies can be useful taken as “hear us what worked for me and why I think it worked” as opposed to “here is the only way to raise healthy kids.”[/quote]

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