Reply to “The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "“The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Interesting read--thanks for sharing, OP.

I wish the author had included consideration of Attachment Parenting, which was the big thing when my oldest was born, and which I think places outrageous pressure on mothers specifically.  And I say that as a psychologist who wrote a dissertation (literally) on attachment theory!

That she ignores Whole Brain Child is interesting, too, since that book is arguably the most prominent within the genre.  But maybe the examples she chose are more extreme versions of gentle parenting.

I try to be aware of my kids' developmental limitations and to be empathic, but we also have clear boundaries and limits for our kids.  Making everything "child-led" isn't particularly beneficial for kids, IMO.[/quote]

I know this thread isn’t about attachment parenting, but I’m on my third child, and my conclusion after 3 is that attachment parent is actually the easy way to take care of young children. It’s easier to sleep with them and wear/hold them for naps instead of trying to get them to sleep somewhere else. It’s easier to wear them than lugging around a car seat and stroller. It’s easier to just breastfeed them from your boob than pumping, washing bottles, etc. To me, the “pressure” isn’t from attachment parenting. The pressure comes from having to make your child independent asap so you can get back to work, get back in shape, basically pretend you didn’t have a baby. To do that, you need to get the right bassinet, swaddles, pacifier, white noise, get the sleep training books, do sleep training and hope it works, carefully monitor your baby for “drowsy but awake,” buy the bottles, nipples, pumps, wash them all, hope your supply doesn’t drop, get your baby to take a bottle, make sure they’re getting a bottle regularly, etc etc. Oh and do it on no sleep bc you can’t take a real nap unless someone is there to hold your newborn.[/quote]

This was also my experience with just one kid, but one thing I've learned is that experiences can vary a lot from one family to the next, and the problem is in being prescriptive with any of these methods.

I just fell into attachment parenting because I tried different things and it turns out the stuff that worked best for me and my baby and our family wound up being consistent with attachment methods (except co-sleeping, that wasn't for me). My kid slept well in the carrier and it allowed me to be handsfree and feel more less encumbered. It also made me feel good -- the oxytocin release of having my baby physically close was really enjoyable for me. Breastfeeding happened easily for me and I hated pumping, so EBF felt easier. My DH was the master of rocking the baby to sleep during the early months and then led the way on introducing solid foods, so it's not like doing EBF locked him out of childcare. It just meant I did most of the feeding in the early months.

But not everyone who makes different choices is just trying to get their baby to be "independent". Like the reason we didn't cosleep is that it stressed me out too much. I roll over a lot in my sleep, naturally (side sleeper and I will instinctively change sides for comfort). I can see how being really close so you could nurse more easily during the first few months would be easier, and I can see how sleeping with another person could be comforting for the baby. But it was stressful for me and I just slept much better if the baby was safely in a bassinet or crib.

And another mom might make similar decisions about stuff like baby-wearing or breastfeeding. Some stuff works great for one person and not at all for the next. Instead of saying "this is how you have to do it or you will screw up your kid" we should encourage parents to find solutions that work well for both the baby AND the parents, that meet everyone's needs. There's no right way. There's just a right way for a particular family.[/quote]

“The problem is being overly prescriptive…”
 YEAASS that exactly. My parenting sounds a lot like PP’s, some of the attachment parenting stuff worked for us, some of it didn’t. I read a lot of parenting theories, but I certainly didn’t follow any of them for the sake of being a disciple. I just picked the stuff that worked. Remember Dr. Spock?  There is always going to be some hot trend that every insecure, desperate to please Mom is going to latch on to, and then that same theory will be proven to be horrible by the next trend. Don’t fall for the marketing. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics