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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. DH is overall not a jerk and he was remorseful in this situation, but I don’t want remorse; obviously I want a spouse I can 100% depend on. When this happens, he usually stays on top of things for the next couple weeks then falls off again.

He usually handles pickup and I do dropoff since his job starts and ends early. He argues that since he’s 90% dependable, I should give him a break the other 10% of the time. We have tried therapy (three times over the years!) but I still find myself resentful and frustrated and unable to completely trust him. And now I’m just kind of sad. [/quote]

I feel like if you're working on a purely statistical model, he had a sound argument, but this is high stakes - assume your kid is at childcare 300 days a year - at that rate you're going to be running out of the house with your hair on fire 30 days a year. That's insane. [/quote]
I mean, sure, we all have parenting fails, but if you frame it as "90% of the time the kid didn't break a bone or get hurt even though I wasn't paying attention", well those aren't really great odds for this type of thing.

It also means that OP can never really depend on him as a partner.  Sounds like OP is already micromanaging her H. What else can she do?  The only thing left is for her to do everything because she can't trust him.  That's like being a single parent, and you will lose respect for your H.

I recall a discussion about some people being perpetually late, and those people said that it was due to their ADHD.  I pointed out that if something is truly important, like an interview, they would figure out a way to get there on time, and they said yes, because it's really important and they have reminders everywhere.

If I apply that to this situation, this tells me that the kid is not that important to him.[/quote]

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