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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When you set a boundary be prepared for an angry reaction. Boundaries are frightening and triggering to narcissistic people. You did nothing wrong.[/quote]
Setting boundaries is a subset of "Changing the rules."

ANY time you change the rules, you will have push-back.  You will have a bust of pushback that you have to weather through, then it will subside.

The pushback is called "The Extinction Burst."  It is nature's way of getting it through our thick skulls that the rules have changed.

The easiest example of The Extinction Burst is a vending machine.

Every day, you put in $ and the vending machine gives you a coke.
One day, you put in $ and the vending machine gives you nothing.
Do you just walk away, allowing this change of rule?
Hell no.
First, you may shake the machine a little.  Nothing happens.
You might even put in more $.  Nothing happens.
Then you go crazy and pound on the machine and kick the machine...
After a period of that furious activity...you stop.  YOU WALK AWAY

So.  If when the machine is getting kicked, if the machine gives you a coke, then the machine has just taught you to kick the machine.  Which is worse than before, for the machine.

In your scenario, you are the vending machine.  Don't change a rule until you are prepared for the extinction burst.  Then, after changing a rule, you must hold fast.  They will learn, but not after giving you a few psychological kicks for a while.[/quote]

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