Reply to Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody

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Reply to "Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Basically, OP just wants to go back to her home country. Take her kids with her find a man from her culture he can pretend is the dad and act like her American husband never existed.

She's a woman so DCUM will automatically take her side no matter how sick she is. Fortunately, the courts don't go along for this, and pathetic excuses like he doesn't pick the kids up from school enough or sacrifice enough for my liking don't  permit a parent to  move away with the children and alienate the other parent.

Try it OP, the court system will not fall for your crocodile tears and you may even end up with less than 50% custody for your BS.

You want a divorce go ahead and get one, get yourself a little apartment or house, and travel with a job, but forget about running away back home and pretending your American life never existed.

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Hi, this is op.  I was hoping the discussion is closed but somehow it has gotten intense.
Why are you guys fighting? Could we calm down?
So, listen, as I explained, this guy is in his own world.  He plans his own fun events and trips while I plan all family stuff.  This has been going on for years… If I approach him to plan together, he just tells me to do as I wish.  He does not invite us to his fun trips and his spends as he wishes - fancy hotels and happy hours. His own world includes all kinds of hobbies that make him happy - baseball cards, comicons, ultra-running, biking, weekend getaways for races… I would divorce him np as an at fault for emotional neglect and financial disasters he put the family in and I had to bail him, but my kids love him.  He does some stuff around the house - like take the trash out - but when he does it you can see on his face he is deeply unhappy.  The rest of the house is ignored; repair needs ignored… The love is dead as he is either at work or away with friends unless I kind of interrupt that pattern by family event like kid’s birthday or music event… I try hard to be a family but it’s fake - he does not like it…  it’s like he is jealous of his own kids… As for the kids, he is kind of like a 10% father… he won’t take the kids to his sporty races because he needs lone time all the time… but he does do pickups and driving to extracurriculars b/c thanks to his unilateral decision on the house purchase, my commute is horrible and I can’t take them to those fun extracurriculars.  Because he DOES something, I am going to go uncontested way about this divorce.  I genuinely want him happy, but at last I want me happy also.  I’m not afraid any more because you get so fed up that you don’t care any more about anything.  This resolution came to me with a lot of reflection about what the meaning of limited-time-to-live is. My both parents died within a year.  Yeah - this a lot to bear but I’m fine.  
This discussion was helpful.  I knew 0 about custody - now have some idea.  All inputs were helpful -  I like to consider things deeply.  Of course I will be talking to mediator and a lawyer too eventually.  I want the job overseas — not own country — as it is better financially and travel experiences-wise.  If the kids freak out completely, it’s easy — I just stay put… I will make 1/3 of my potential but it’s ok.  My kids know people move overseas sometimes as our good friends moved (state dept) so I thought this example kind of could help to explain things to them.  
I am just talking too much now…
What I wanted to say is that after ten years of marriage I just wanted to take care of myself and put my halted career back on track a little bit.  Because of DH uncooperation, I turned down and quit great opportunities including overseas and am now maneuvering gig economy.
I don’t even know yet what am I gonna do about health insurance now that I put myself in this position so that family life was more balanced.

I LOVE this country - this is where I gained education and had kids. I will only cherish good memories of DH when we met; then we drifted apart for whatever reason - it’s irrelevant even as I think I evolved into a mother but he really tried to evolve but could not make it…

There is no other country like this.  But this discussion is about family relationships - not political.  Would you want live in the home where you are not loved and you also feel sorry for the kids as their dad is mia unless mom drags him into some family activity…  he did not plan a single birthday or wanted to be involved… sorry I keep complaining - I guess this is my therapy session.

Most importantly, I want to thank everyone for taking the time and sharing your views and also thanks for wishing me the best.  It’s mutual - I wish you the best too and happy holidays.

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