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Reply to "What’s the most condescending work compliment you’ve received?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot[/quote] This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.[/quote] It's a microaggression.[/quote] The fact that it has devolved to this makes me sad. The definition is: having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently. Not everyone is a good public speaker. Some people are amazingly articulate under pressure and fantastic public speakers. This is the way I used to think of the word "articulate" and the way I would use it; to complement someone who I thought was a particularly good public speaker. Someone who has the ability to convey ideas is a clear manner. Can't use it any more. People automatically assume bad intentions.[/quote] But suppose it’s not public speaking or a presentation or even an incisive comment in a group meeting? How would you feel if you were having what you felt was a normal conversation and someone whipped out:”You are SO articulate “? Wouldn’t it take you aback just a bit? This happens to me quite a bit. Sometimes it seems to mean something like : You are amazingly articulate and it’s wonderful the way you got everyone on board with that idea. Sometimes it clearly means: Wow! You speak English and you didn’t drool. I have had people ask me if I’m American. And follow that with: “Because you speak like an educated person.” The clash between the reality that I present and their expectations for someone who looks like me is apparently too great. tldr: Yep. Can’t use it anymore. People automatically assume bad intentions. Because many of us have had to be on the receiving end of —yes— bad intentions and arrogant ignorance. [/quote] I didn't need this lecture. Have seen plenty of these stories and get it. But some of us never have and never will use that word in that context. But because of the bad behavior of others, I would never dare say the word "articulate" to a coworker who was a POC or who I knew was from a foreign country, because they would assume the bad intention. So now I just say, you're a great public speaker or you did a great job explaining that or whatever.[/quote] Someone else’s painful experiences make you “sad” PP — not because you feel some sort of affinity or even sympathy for another person’s pain, but because you’ve recognized that you can’t use your dictionary definitions as a bludgeon anymore. Another person chimes in with descriptions of their own distress — and you dismissively react as if to a “lecture “ that you’re sure that you don’t need. You’ve “seen plenty of these stories and get it” — so one more, however specific, however hurtful, just doesn’t matter to you. It’s not centered on your own sadness, which is surely the most important shift, at least to you, in a thread purported to be about condescending experiences in the workplace. I recognize this pattern well. So, slight shift away from the PP’s comments and towards an article that might interest some of us as we relate to the topic of this thread. https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace[/quote]
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