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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's the thing: the things that a stay at home parent does is undervalued.  Think of it this way: what would it cost to pay someone to:
1.  Keep your house tidy and clean daily; 
2. Manage all doctors appointments and take your children to those appointments
3.  Pick up your children from school 
4. Make sure homework is done, and provide tutoring to your children (tutors cost at least $100/hour, often more in the DMV)
5. Do all of the grocery shopping
6. Do your laundry and take clothes to the cleaners
7.  Pick up all family members Rx and run errands
8. Plan and cook meals
9. Stay home with your kids when they are sick or pick them up early if the school nurse calls
 
I quit a good paying job about five years ago at the urging of my husband.  When I was working, we were constantly negotiating who would take the kids to the doctor, pick them up from school.  We made this decision to have less stress in our family life.  Not only did it make our lives less stressful, we also did this because our kids were struggling with anxiety and depression.  I've not been eating bonbons.  It's been grueling and not easy to shift into this role, but it has been really important for our children's mental health.

At this point, as I'm pushing 50, I'm not a great candidate in the workforce. It saddens me to see the callous comments in this thread about women who make this sacrifice for their family.  Ultimately, it is a benefit to society if a parent can afford to stay home with children who are depressed, etc. I realize not everyone has this luxury - it is no doubt holding us back financially, but being there for kids with special needs in particular is something society should not be shaming.

[/quote]

Let's leave the special needs scenario aside as it is a special case.

For the neurotypical families, the mindset of "what would you pay for someone to do XYZ" is not justified.  A SAHM cannot be compared to hired help for one simple reason: the help does not enjoy the fruit of their labor.  A personal chef does not eat what he cooks.  A nanny doesn't acquire 50% interest in your children.  A housekeeper does not live in your house. Everything a SAHM does, she does 50% for herself.  Do you grocery shop, plan and cook meals?  Half of that is for you.  Do you tutor your children? Half of that is on you.  Do you have a clean, nicely decorated house? Congratulations, you live there too and you enjoy it.  Don't compare your labor for your family with what hired help does, delivers to you and goes home. [/quote]

It would have cost us more than my salary for child care and I have a masters.   Plus, taking care of my mil.   What would you propse?   A nanny and an aide?   Whose paying for all that?   Not everyone is high income.  [/quote]

I propose that you see these trials as simple shit life flings at pretty much everyone.  It's not an equivalent to paid labor.  It's not something you do FOR someone.  It's your life. [/quote]

So, what do you propose?  It was a joint choice to have kids.  It was a joint choice to take care of my husband's mom.  It absolutely is something you have to do for someone.  If I didn't care for my kids, who would?  If I didn't care for my MIL, who would?  My husband's earning ability was significantly higher than mine and I was more qualified to handle the caretaking.  Just because you wouldn't care for your MIL and set a good example for your kids, doesn't mean the rest of us shouldn't be decent people and do it.

You sound like a nasty vindictive person.  Life must be so hard for you.

Reality is if you cannot afford to pay someone, you have to do it yourself and sometimes some cannot afford to work. [/quote]

Why is your salary potential significantly lower than your DH's? At what point did you decide you could step back on the easier "fulfilling" career while your husband ate shit at a high stress job every day? And wasn't that decision driven by the knowledge that your DH can keep your finances afloat?  So at some point way earlier than having kids, you decided to take the backseat to your husband's career, work less, be less stressed and let him bear the financial burden. Not sure why you should get paid out on divorce for that.  [/quote]

I decided it when I was a child that I wanted to help people.  My husband was happy to bear the financial burden.  My husband was happy to let me make the choice and would have supported me either way but financially it did not make sense for me to work.  And, when we choose it, my husband wasn't a high earner either.  We made the money we have work.  And, what I did between a SN child and caring for his mom with dementia was far more stressful than working for him.  Of course, I should get half of everything and future support.  We'd never divorce, but that's not the point.  For him to have his career, someone had to handle things at home.  If he had to quit to take care of his mom, then what?  If he had to quit to take our child to 1-2 therapies and preschool (40 minutes away as it was one for SN), then what?  If his earnings were more than mine, would it make sense for him to stay home or me?  If it would have cost us more in an nanny and aide, did it make sense for me to work?  We'd be throwing away money we didn't have that could be spent on therapies for our child.

You are living in an alternative reality if you think all women can have it all and work, have a housekeeper and nanny like you do and earn enough to make it worthwhile.[/quote]

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