Reply to When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thing I am missing a wedding is not a lot of money to do.

I got married in 1998. We did a nice wedding. We kept guests to 110. We had older aunts and uncles and some couples young kids.

We did a 10 am Mass, did a catering hall near church for a 1-6 wedding.

We spent money on great food and drink, dancing. Pre wedding outside top of line food and drinks, sit down dinner. Wonderful desert selection on top of cake.

Everyone stayed to end unlike those crazy 7- midnight weddings where 1/2 folks leave.

[b]In the end since we focused on guests, kept guest list tight we broke even.

My wife and I paid ourself but got 100 percent back in wedding day. So by not doing it would have saved zero[/b]. [/quote]

That is a very transactional view of a celebration.[/quote]

Y
It is a transactional relationship. My two older sisters and brother were already married. My last sibling emailed a spreadsheet with the names and addresses of relatives who attended. It included the gift amounts given. So I knew the cost of wedding and ballpark the gift. My wife had similar list from older sister.

I knew ball park what my friends give so did wife. Single people always discuss what they give.

My wife and I laying ourselves were willing to lose money. In my case it appeared the closest people first 40 are generous. Next 40 are break even. The further out you go the lower the gift is.

My one uncle is really cheap I still invited him. He gives $25 dollars and expects you to put him up at your house two days and feed him. Luckily my mom got stuck.

Also bitter checks come. One of my wife’s best friends who was 34 and single with a huge high paying job gave $75 dollars. Not even close to cost and was sane amount a 22 year old would give and she made $250k.

Then a few generous folks. I was scrapping nickels together and my old aunts fixed income and my $25 dollar uncle I am fine with but folks who literally are loaded coming to a wedding that is $130 a plate and giving way under is annoying as same folks who brag they do $500 dinners all the time.

I have been giving $1,000 at weddings since around 2008 if kids invited and $500 if just as a couple. Even $500 a couple for a nice place covers the plates but not much left over.

I don’t think folks have to cover plate. But come somewhat close at least if a modest wedding.

Perhaps this is reason couples are skipping big weddings as the guests are stingy. Cause In normal times a $40k wedding you get at least $30-$35k gifts. Today you get no shows and folks show up a used bowl from a flea market [/quote]

ou made the choice to have the wedding. My husband and I give $50 and that's it. I didn't expect more than that when I got married and it was exciting when it was. We make 200K a year-not here to fund your wedding. I wouldn't pay $130 for a meal of my own choosing, much less for wedding food so now I'm not giving a gift to cover your choice. You could have done cake/punch at the church. Your choice-your financial responsibility. Esp. if I'm flying out, paying for a hotel, taking vacation day, etc. No-just no. Why does your wedding need to cost me money? Do I want to see you? Yes. Do I need to spend $$$$ to do it? No.
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BTW you do realize the mothers of the bride and the grooms ask about gifts. Most generous and cheapest come up. $50 has not been a wedding gift since the 1970s. Cake/punch at church? Not a thing on Catholic Church. And even my cousin who did the cheapest wedding on world in the backyard with tents and I thought skimpiest Food possible and a few local HS kids passing around for and drinks cost him at least $70 a person.

BTW there are minimums and fees. Even my local knights of Columbus hall if I ordered pizzas, beer, then a cake and coffee with rental fee hall and food a d required janitor fee for clean up is at least $40 a person.

$50 gift is what my kids get for a back yard bbq birthday party. And I loose money. I have a sister and brother show up three kids. On average just those five people bottle low priced wine, 4-5 beers, 3-6 sodas, 6-9 hamburgers and hotdogs and five slices of cake and salad and appetizers on side. They are giving $10 bucks a person. I appreciate the “gift” but dude giving $50 at a modest wedding is crazy. Don’t give anything you be better off. [/quote]

I didn't grow up in an environment where we measured the value of the wedding gift against the cost of inviting the guest to the wedding. That wasn't the point....

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