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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You should check out the subreddit "QAnon Casualties". The vaccine and other issues of the past few years have destroyed many a marriage. [/quote]
Thanks for the suggestion. It's horrifying but also makes me feel less alone. I've also heard side comments from therapists I reached out to about couples counseling that a lot of people are in similar shoes... [b]unfortunately I don't know if anyone's figured out how to deal in a productive way...[/b][/quote][/quote]

Dang - I messed up the quotes the first time. Here's my post:

Let me know if you find out. My husband is allllmost the same, except not anti-vaxx. That would have likely been the final straw since my kids are teens/tweens and know about and want the vaccine.

And it's really been the last 5 years. Prior to that we might have disagreed on some policy issues, but now it's way beyond that. Divorce is on my mind very often. What has worked is him living elsewhere for work and for me really working to accept that a) we are on opposite sides of almost every political or social issue, b) that I don't understand it or how he has gotten there, and c) discussion is futile and refuse to engage. I don't know how long-term sustainable it is, but it's working for now.

How old are your kids and do they want to be vaccinated? If they do, then I think I'd insist that he have a discussion with the pediatrician.[/quote]

Op here. Wish we could start a secret support group. This is very much me as well. My oldest is a teen and could get vaccinated but doesn't want to and parrots her father. I was very disappointed to end up in a fight with her about this and talking to the pediatrician sparked it. Yet no matter how much I dwell on what I should do and how much the impulsive tired side of me would like a divorce...I keep coming back to believing it would be better if I could figure out a way to make this work, and needing to push through. It is maddening and tiring and frustrating. But I can't bring myself to split time with the kids.[/quote]

Wow---OP, I could be you, same story and I'm making the same compromise of my happiness because I really believe that for our family it will be better for the kids in the long run.  Mine are all teens:  one of my kids has always looked up to his dad and now does seem to believe the anitvaxx BS my husband is spewing, and I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to do about it.  Like OP, I was thinking of having our pediatrician talk to him...but, now that OP shared this info, if it backfires the risk is his becoming more entrenched in the antivaxxer world and believing his dad over me/science/his friends/his doctor more and more.  I really don't know how to approach this.  I'm seeing a therapist and there are possibly significant downsides to every approach we discuss regarding this stubborn kid, so I feel paralyzed.  At the therapist's recommendation I am taking a gentle approach to avoid alienating my son or making him choose -- which to him probably is not just vaccine/no vaccine, but fundamentally picking mom vs. dad.  Let's just say that while this one of my kids and I love each other, talk often, spend a lot of time together,  and generally have a close relationship, being completely honest I'm not confident he would pick me vs. my husband.  It's so hard and I'm definitely in on the secret support group idea.

To the PPs who keep saying just vaccinate the kids already -- for older kids, if only it were that easy.  A pediatrician will not forcibly vaccinate a teenager or older child who objects.  Some teens really seem to love being oppositional, challenging established authority, etc. -- like my son -- and I think this is why he finds the antivaxx views attractive.  Usually I use some kind of reverse psychology in other situations, which often works but not always, but I can't figure out how to do that here without running the risk of him actually believing that I have come over to my husband's side and am now an antivaxxer too!  Argh.  [/quote]
Sorry you are going through the stress of this too (Op here). I'm sorry I have no advice for you. After the pediatrician debacle, I decided to drop the issue with my teen dd. Unfortunately I feel like it's beyond the realm of my influence now, and anything else I do would be construed as an attack. There are lots of consequences... college choices, extracurricular/volunteer opportunities, etc... But I can't budge her and dh will obviously be pleased to back her up. I take cold comfort in data showing kids aren't as likely to be affected/die. But I don't believe pushing the issue is helpful and I don't believe forcing it legally or whatever would be helpful either. [/quote]

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