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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave.  I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing.  My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny.  Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community.  It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up.  I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you 
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms[/quote]

OP - -to address your first question, you need to find people more similar to you, as opposed to less similar than you.  My SAHM w/nanny friends usually only ran into nannies at the park, etc., which made it slightly challenging to make other mom friends while out and about.  Know that other moms (SAHM and not) WILL judge you, even if not out loud.  Know that those same moms try to poach nannies - the poachers will chime in trying to contest this statement.  It happens.  Often.  Same moms offer either much more money (to guarantee the steal), or much less money (want you to subsidize, without calling it that), which is interesting. I learned so much over the years, and sometimes (or as in the case of DCUM, often?) take other moms "information" with a grain of salt. Not everyone is your friend, even if they have similar circumstances, but it helps. Depending on where you live, moms can be extremely judgy and backstabbing (close in neighborhoods to the Beltway, for example). Some people can be takers, they can be more common than the givers.

Second question: find something that you like, and spend at least a couple hours a week doing it.  Like attracts like.

Third question: see second question. Baby steps, so to speak. Sounds cliche, but seriously, take a class.

You do what works for you - protect YOUR family.

Honestly, you should probably devote at least half your time to something you like doing - an activity, not sleep.  So many moms I know/knew, over the years claimed to be working full time, when what they were really doing is sleeping half the time.  Then they wonder why they are depressed and overwhelmed - easy answer: lack of structure. Same people complain about money.  Don't let other people's problems become your problems.  SAHMs come with a little drama, just like anything.

Enjoy your family, this time passes so quick!

[/quote]

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