Reply to So annoyed the cheaters are not getting consequences

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recently finished reading Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity." What a great book.  I found the following observation very interesting.

A woman can engage in serial monogamy:  get married, get divorced, engage in a few intra-marital sexual liaisons, get married again and we're someho :roll: w all fine with that, but a man in a 20 plus year marriage who has a ONS is a cheater!  :roll: [/quote]

Why wouldn’t we be fine with that? One is infidelity. The other is not.[/quote]

Why does “infidelity” however you define it mean the end of a relationship. Why wouldn’t make more sense to sleep around than break up a family multiple times so you can be “faithful?” Americans are idiots. 
[/quote]

It doesn’t define the end of a relationship. It’s about honestly and not lying.

Esther Perel, bless her heart, is kind of an idiot. I know she is well-intentioned but she’s basically very victim-Blamey. I for one don’t care about monotony, or non-nuclear family structures. Those are fine and I don’t know what Esther Perel has against them.  Dishonesty, to me, is the problem. [/quote]

In her book “State of Affairs” she is very much against lying and betrayal.  She tries to explain how and why it happens and how often it has absolutely zero to do with the spouse or the marriage.  She is about saving the marriage when there is genuine love there.[/quote]

I’m not saying she is in favor of lying and betrayal. I never said she was for them or in favor of affairs. I’m pointing out that Perel downplays the harm they do when she suggests that we are somehow off when we condemn somebody who had a ONS but not somebody who married twice and slept with a lot of people when not married.

I think that Perel is *too* focused on saving marriages. [/quote]

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