Reply to Told brother to keep his girlfriend aka mistress at home for the holidays.

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Reply to "Told brother to keep his girlfriend aka mistress at home for the holidays."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH was previously married. We met 2 years post divorce.
His family chose his exwife side during the divorce.
By the time I started dating him, exwife had a boyfriend as well and was pulling away from her exILs. Today, they have no interaction. 
Once we were married, ILs tried to cozy back up with their son. It was too late. They burned that bridge.
Be careful what you do, OP. I get that you like exwife, but she isn’t family.
[/quote]

I have a brother who is divorced and I was very close to my former SIL. She is family and always will be in my eyes even though they are divorced. Just because someone is blood doesn't automatically mean you should take their side or they they are in the right. [/quote]
Here’s the thing - with siblings, you can disagree with their actions and behaviors (affair, substance abuse, etc.) but you should still “have their back”. 
It’s fine to maintain a relationship with the exSIL. But choosing her side publicly and vocally and punishing the sibling will destroy whatever relationship you have with your sibling. [/quote]

Yeah but what about the relationship with OP's nieces/nephews?  They aren't talking to their dad and this acceptance could really hurt them.  Why do brother's feelings trump their feelings?  They are family too.[/quote]
But they aren’t going to be there. If they were, it’s a different discussion. [/quote]

No, they aren't going for thanksgiving.  But no one said anything about Christmas, and even then they will KNOW she was invited with their dad and the family welcomed her.  Setting a precedent for future holidays.  It's too soon.  Let the kids lead the way.  I'm Team OP.  [/quote]
The kids have no say into an invitation to an event they aren’t going to.[/quote]

Oh FFS.  It's not about who is physically there. It's about the action of inviting both brother and girlfriend. If you can't see how this is hurtful, I can't explain any more to you. [/quote]
This isn’t their first holiday post breakup. If it was, the advice may be different. 
Divorces can take 2-3 years to finalize. MD and VA require 12 months separation before you can file, and then it can take 2-6 months to process.
Take into account fighting over assets… looking at 2-3 years.[/quote]

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