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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I guess if everyone unanimously agrees that I'm being overbearing and not respecting my son and his wife that I just got to accept that I won't hear from my son for 2 weeks. Maybe I'll plan an outing with some girlfriends one evening. I do work but it's part time. I am married but my husband works a ton so we aren't around each other much. Maybe he can take some time off and we can do something like day trips or even an overnight trip ourselves.

I just wish it was my son who relayed the message to me and not my DIL.[/quote]

[b]Why would you prefer the message came from your son?  How would that make it easier to hear?[/b][/quote]

My guess is she feels more comfortable railroading her son and getting him to agree to what she wants. I bet this request from her DIL caught her off guard (which is precisely why they did it this way…) [/quote]

Taking the OP where she is, which is talking to her son everyday, apparently forever, yes I can see how it would be jarring and even upsetting to go two weeks.  Is it an odd situation to begin with?  Yes, but apparently it has been acceptable/working for her and her son for this long.  Does she need to accept it?  Of course.  But is she wrong to be hurt/worried about it?  Of course not.

And I'm surprised at all of the people saying she shouldn't talk directly to her son about it.  So often, I see posters asserting that the DH should be the only one that interacts with the inlaws.  "Tell your DH to tell her...."  "Your DH needs to enforce your boundary for you..."  etc.[/quote]

Her son is a grown adult here who as far as I know has no medical issues that would cause worry when he is away. So what's the big worry here? That he will get kidnapped or something?

He is a grown man and if husband's mother is that concerned about not being in contact with her son that she is taking to a message board about it that speaks to her enmeshment with her son and that she must not have much else going on in her life. Which is why I strongly suggested maybe calling up some girlfriends or planning a night with her own husband. If MIL had more going on in her life clearly this wouldn't be an issue.

People are saying not to address it with her son because her DIL already made it clear they are going no screens with all family and friends so what purpose would that serve except going behind DIL's back to get her son to change their "rule" or vacation boundary. Because let's be honest here that would be the only purpose of that conversation would ultimately be to get her son on "her side" and guilt him into changing that was agreed upon by him and wife.

Then if the result is that MIL gets what she wants that shows husband has no back bone and will cater to whatever his mommy wants over his wife. That won't bode well for their marriage.

I agree with the suggestion of him letting his mom know where he is staying in case mom has a TRUE emergency she knows where to get a hold of him. I miss my son isn't an emergency either.[/quote]

Also what is there for MIL to be hurt about? DIL made it clear they aren't going screen free just from MIL but from everyone including DIL's side of the family so it isn't personal. [b]A mother shouldn't be worried about her grown married son being on vacation[/b] assuming like we said there aren't major health issues here at play. [/quote]

PP here and objectively I agree with the bolded.  But the thing is, their relationship is already....different (word choice attempting to avoid value judgment.)  It is clear that this move shakes something foundational in that relationship.  Which is exactly why the two of them should be able to talk candidly with eachother about it.  If the son has come to realize that the relationship needs to change, he should say that.  If the son is concerned about issues in his marriage, perhaps caused or exacerbated by his relationship with his mother, he should say that.  If the son actually would really prefer to check in with his mom twice while on vacation and he feels bullied by his wife, well he should say that too.  He is an independent person with agency and need to be honest with both women in his life.[/quote]

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