Reply to My DH does not understand what it's like to be the primary parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Saw this on Instagram and thought of this thread:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CVMCG2Drvn3/?utm_medium=copy_link

My takeaway is that women REALLY need to stop telling each other that this situation is their fault for failing to properly incentivize/educate their husbands into being equal partners. This is on men, and is clearly a deeply entrained cultural problem. If you have a partner who truly does half, you are simply very fortunate. Not smarter or a better wife/mother. Just statistically really effing lucky.

I also think many women just accept the inequity and choose not to be upset by it. Which is its own kind of accomplishment. But being willing to accept unfairness is just not in everyone’s DNA. I also think these days women get sold a bill of goods about equitable marriages with kids. Our mothers knew they’d do it all. It was explicitly explained to them. We were surprised. Often the people lying to us about how equal it will be are our own husbands. I’ve seen it with mine. He wants to be a full partner. He works at it. I think he mostly feels he succeeds. But he simply does not understand what he’s not doing. When I tell him he’s skeptical. He’s also dismissive of the importance of things like making sure the kids have clothes that fit, or thinking critically about how one child is struggling with a behavioral issue and doing research and working with teachers to address it. He’ll acknowledge these things are important, but it is clear he doesn’t think they are important enough for him to participate at all.

The “Mental Load” comic by Emma someone posted upthread describes this very well.[/quote]

Your attitude is really pessimistic. I’ve worked with my husband on BOTH of us being better partners. We are two different people who came from two different environments trying to make a joint life work. If it truly was simply luck, and no work whatsoever, then most couples are doomed. Why think like that?[/quote]

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