Reply to Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]OP here again: My son does not share that he is actively upset, but I know it hurts that he has asked plenty of kids to get together, play video games online, etc. and no one says yes, or they say yes the first time and it never goes anywhere. A lot of posters in this thread have noted that their kids socialize "only" by playing games online or texting or going to the basketball courts, etc. I know you mean well, but I am saying my son does not have anyone to do these things with and is rejected by other kids when he tries to initiate/join those activities.

I think this thread separated into two categories of feedback: (1) those saying that their kids socialize through a lot of online gaming and sports activities but do not do much other than that and (2) those saying their kids have tried everything in (1) and have not been able to find their group so do none of those things in (1). My son falls in category (2). Those whose kids are in category (1) probably have not had to deal with what it is like to have your kids try to so hard but not find their group.

I do hope it will help to just naturally give it time for him to mature socially and participate in sports in HS next year.

The good thing is that my DS is a great kid and we do many fun family activities. But I know from his actions that he wants friends to do things with.[/quote]

I have two follow up questions to ascertain information that may be helpful in providing advice:

1) Have you observed his interactions with peers?  From observations of my kids (each of whom has a few friends), they are open to hanging out with most kids, as long as the kids take turns listening and talking (and reciprocate in conversation), are interactive and willing to do things.  They are put off if  kids don't reciprocate conversation, or talk and don't listen.  It could 100 percent be that your son is just encountering jerky kids, but is there a change he needs to work on any of those skills?

2) It may just have to be that he keeps being the one to initiate for kids that hung out once and didn't contact him again.  My son has some friends that never reach out to him, but are always willing to do things if he asks them.  I don't know why they don't ask him, but that is how it is.  They seem to like him, but never initiate.

3) Is your son open to meeting any kids with common interests/willingness to hang out?  My daughter went through a period where she was repeatedly chasing after girls that were not interested in being friends, and not making an effort with girls that would more likely be interested (probably because she wanted to be "cooler").  Once she targeted her efforts better (with some prodding from me), she made a few friends.

Again, I am not blaming your son, and none of these things may apply, but just offering them as possibilities/things that helped with my kids.[/quote]

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