Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the PPs, above, I am a man, and I admit I have all those traits women value - tall, attractive, outspoken, charming, professionally successful, etc. And I raised the issue of sexual rejection repeatedly for years, like a decade. I bought the books (come as you are, etc), tried to articulate physical touch as my love language. I could give you 15 examples of being proactive and at least partially vulnerable with my wife.

And nothing changed. In fact, it got worse.

So my choices are: 1) remain faithful and miserable; 2) divorce and hurt the kids, our finances, social standing; or 3) find someone in a similar situation, stay married and sane and if I get caught, I am at worse where I would be with option 2.

tl;dr sometimes men do open up and still face rejection. Not all women who are cheated on are victims or blameless.[/quote]

Oh please. Get over yourself. So you tried, it failed. That happens to literally everybody, in every facet of life. This is the whole point of emotional vulnerability: you won't always get what you want. If you did, it wouldn't be vulnerable! Nobody who is advocating for men to have more emotional intelligence is saying it's going to be the solution to your problems. [/quote]

Do you see the irony in your post?  Here is man expressing emotional vulnerability and a woman responds with essentially 'grow up, get over it'.  JFC.

There is a wall he can't break through for whatever reason.  OP, it could be hormone issues, it could be a thyroid related issue (some causes depression, anxiety, loss of libido), it could be a body image issue, it could be stress/work/childcare/etc, she could be having an affair (emotional or physical) herself, who knows?

The only thing I would suggest is that you need to be blunt, VERY blunt and with urgency if you have truly tried all of those things and can't through.  Sit her down, tell her what you are going through--the physical and emotional intimacy you miss and aren't getting, ask what is wrong, if there is anything more she needs--help on the home front, etc.,  and basically say: I can't live like this.  If we can't resolve this I will have to get it outside of the marriage and I don't want to do that.  I only want you.

The fall out from her finding out about your cheating and the hurt is going to be a trillion times worse (epic proportions) than having this painful, hard conversation.  But, you owe it to yourself, her and the kids to have this blunt conversation before going outside of the marriage.  And since you already have, you need to get end it, get into individual therapy and talk this over with a professional.[/quote]

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