Reply to This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone knows men don't actually care for their OW.[/quote]

Meh. Men compartmentalize. They can feel like they love someone but it doesn’t translate into the practical day to day arrangements that would make that person feel good, unless social norms dictate that they provide it and they will dutifully do so without thinking. The key part is without thinking. Men don’t think. They do. I guarantee OP’s guy didn’t think about how this would make her feel.

[/quote]

They love you as long as nobody they know or respects ever sees you?

Okay your definition of live is odd.[/quote]

I’m not saying this is my definition. I’m saying I see many men live with these internal contradictions, by compartmentalizing. [/quote]

You don’t know what  compartmentalizing  Means.

It doesn’t  mean he loves 2 women. It means in 1 life he is a loving supportive husband and father. But he has a 2nd life he keeps in a “compartment “ where he is an a-hole, loser who bangs chicks he doesn’t love but leads them on and treats them like sh!t.  [/quote]

Nah, I think some men who cheat are emotionally invested. Just too out of touch to work it out properly in their head and understand that if you care about someone you cannot treat them like that. Falling in love with more than one person might happen, I don’t doubt it does in the course of a long marriage. How you handle that is a test of character.[/quote]

Perhaps some.  Many, many more have no love it’s just an escape, side bang.  If they can ghost and walk away with no contact you pretty much know which one you were.  Most married women cheating are looking for that fantasy of love.  They can’t fathom how it just isn’t the same for most men.  You have to play the game to keep an easy thing going and who doesn’t like having their ego stoked and told how amazing they are?  Real love isn’t banging a few times a month with very little contact, never meeting anyone of importance in their life, staying in the shadows.  If it’s real love there would be no obstacles.  They’d move heaven and earth to be with you.  Not squeeze you in for a 30 min nooner 2 weeks from now.[/quote]

Trust me, I agree totally that it takes some self deception and selfishness to do this. But I think many men kind of operate on a piecemeal basis. Have you ever sent a guy to do something? He will execute literal commands, anything to the side that is relevant that someone paying attention could figure out just may not happen. It sounds strange but I think many men think, ok, I am married and I love my wife. I love this woman, too. The way to love them both is to keep her secret and that way my wife won’t be hurt but she still gets my time. It’s not right, and quite blind to a number of complications… emotional and practical and ethical. But hey — that’s how they think. What are you going to do?[/quote]

If you think the love for a spouse of 25 years who you met unencumbered in the peak of your attractiveness and gave birth to your children is the same for some woman you banged a few months, you are absolutely delusional.  There is lust in a new sexual relationship which is not love.  Not even close.  [/quote]

I think that after 25 years you’re going to have a lot of water under the bridge. Your love is real and it is a history but that means it’s also been mixed up with anger and resentment and a bunch of other crap, not to mention the passion and romance is diluted by a bunch of humdrum stuff that is about as fun as watching paint dry. I don’t think most affairs are just about the sex. They are really about people recovering some feeling about themselves that is missing in their other life.[/quote]

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