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[quote=Anonymous]My DH will (and has) acted like OP's DH if I don't intervene. He just doesn't think about this stuff. He's also a procrastinator and when a task is unpleasant he just tries to put it out of his head. It's very stressful and annoying!

But he absolutely will do caretaking when either (1) it's an immediate need, or (2) I ask him nicely. Is it annoying that I have to ask nicely? Yes. Is it annoying I have to ask at all? Yes. But it's the way it is. I love him and don't want a divorce, so I have accepted this is how our marriage works.

Since he is pretty good at handling immediate needs, I will often ask him to be the point person for day to day stuff while I prepare in advance for other things. So like hanging out with the kids on Sunday while I grocery shop, meal prep, review the week's schedule, etc. I also periodically assign that stuff to him so he knows what it is and what goes into it, because he needs to. He can do it if he has to. But I'm much better at it, so I do it most weeks.

My DH is also really responsive to routines. If I can create routines around school, activities, meals, and bedtimes, DH can usually follow them. That means if I have to go out of town or I come down with a cold or something, things don't fall apart. He can hold down the fort, even if it means me doing a lot of the legwork ahead of time.

In terms of taking care of me, he will do okay. He'll make dinner and fix me a plate and bring it to me, and make sure I have a drink or medication if I need it. He might sit around watching football instead of helping get ready for a planned surgery, but he's not a total asshole or something. He just does not think ahead or strategize in that way, and I've learned to live with it.[/quote]

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