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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I think it’s weird to focus so much on the other woman. She has moved on with her life. In the grand scheme of things, her affair will barely be a footnote in her story. Don’t let it take up any more chapters of yours. [/quote]

As a former OW who still ruminates on this 10 years later, you could not be more wrong. I think every day about what I did to his wife, how it ruined both of our integrity, and how it has alienated me from deeper relationships bc to this day I have never told anyone, and anyone decent who heard it would be disgusted. I can never express my remorse to his wife bc I was selfish enough to want it at the time. It radically changed my self image. I try to do more things that are better for others now because I don't believe in an afterlife. If anything it is him who has moved on the most -- kept his marriage, assets and reputation and no one was the wiser outside of his marriage, in which he was discovered and has been forgiven. I meanwhile am wandering the earth like Cain. For all the betrayed wives out there, all I can tell you is that it's at best a growth experience and at worst life-ruining for the OW -- as so many novels will tell you.[/quote]

It's a lonely existence. At least you recognize the truth of that relationship, and can hopefully find a good partner someday. There are some that don't learn, and enjoy inflicting pain upon the spouse. The thing is I've seen kids lives ruined as well. Luckily the spouse didn't come after you. There are some horrible stories out there, and anything family related can be very volatile. Be happy you're not wasting your time anymore. And his life may not be so good.  [/quote]

I was younger than both of them at the time and their kids were young. I did not have the understanding then that I do now of what infidelity without divorce can do to children, how these dramas that parents think they keep separate are still felt and enacted by perceptive young minds. I thought that by not leaving he was doing the right thing. There is more to it than that as I now know.[/quote]

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