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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here...thanks for the outpouring of support, as well as the some of the reality checks.  I know I'm being a tad precious about this, but it really came out of nowhere, and I feel hurt that DH is being so inflexible, and seemingly not listening to or caring what my feelings are.  I appreciate the poster who that he may just be hearing I want my parents around and not his.  I do think that is what he is hearing, because one of the things he keeps harping on is how it's not fair my parents will be around for the birth, coming home, etc, while his won't be.  That was why I brought up that they live out of state.  If my parents lived 5 hours away, THEY wouldn't be around for any of it, my mom would just come down once we came home from the hospital, and everyone else in a few weeks or so.  But because they live nearby and are able to visit the hospital, DH thinks it only fair his parents should be able to do that too.

Now, I actually have no problem with that...although it is not my first choice to have his parents in my face and visiting while I'm doing all of the gross, stressful, emotional things pps listed, I could deal...BUT NOT when they're also in my personal space in our house.  DH won't hear of putting them in a hotel if my mom is here staying with us...he says, again, it's "not fair" my mom would get to be here all the time, but his parents are relegated to visitors only during the day.  I'm really not sure what is going on with him...it's just out of character, and perhaps pps are right and he just doesn't get what my body will be going through.  However, he may not get it, but it would stand to reason that he would at least try to COMPROMISE with the mother of his child.  Arg.

BTW, this is the first grandchild on either side, and DH says two of his co-workers have had their moms (ie, the mother's MIL) come for their births, so no help there :(

I will take the excellent advice of tabling this for a few weeks and coming back to it when we've both cooled off.  Perhaps he will re-visit the hotel thing...[/quote]

Curious but is your husband Asian OP? In the Asian cultures the husband seems to dictate that his parents get more respect than his wife's parents and maybe culture is influencing your DH's decision.[/quote]

Let's not go beating on the asian stereotype again.  We're not in the 1950's!  My husband is asian and neither he nor his parents would not dream of being overbearing in this manner to me.[/quote]

Your husband may be Asian, but both DH and I are Asian and I can assure you that this is part of cultural thinking. Your DH may be the exception and there are exceptions. But this is perfectly normal in many Asian cultures, Indian, Pakistani, Chinese, Korean, Arab, etc...[/quote]

I'm Indian.  Your comments are not universal.  I come from an area where new mothers are attended to by their mothers, not MILs.  In fact, my (European) in-laws came during the birth of my children.  My very old conservative Indian aunt (who is like a grandmother to me) tore my parents a new one when she realized.  She couldn't believe it -- she said something like pregnant women need their own mother at this time.

Anyway, OP, I feel for you.  Others have said it a lot better.  I would be wary of anyone who wants to come and not miss a moment of the newborn's life.  The rule of thumb for visitors in the immediate postpartum period should be that they are expected to prepare meals, do laundry, clean house, run errands, make sure new mom is eating or drinking.  If the visitors sees their roles as anything else, they should visit at another time.[/quote]

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