Reply to is nose-to-wall timeout too harsh?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP your goal is to have him learn how to self-regulate correct? Because you wont be able to make him stand in a corner with his nose against the wall forever and it certainly isnt a long-term strategy for him. I mean, when he gets mad at 8 years old in the middle of art class, work or at his girlfriend do you want him saying excuse me I need a minute and then go find a corner to put his nose in? NO you dont. You want him to remove himself from the situation and/or be able to be downgrade/shift his emotional state.

Boys are a bit harder because they are actually physiologically more response to high emotions meaning their bodies response is at a higher level (i.e. blood pressure, heart rate, some neurotransmitters, etc).

Id really suggest conscious discipline as a resource on IG. [url]https://www.instagram.com/p/CJRfkHkl79Y/[/url]

Your expectation is developmentally inappropriate. Please watch the link video specifically for your kids but the entire account is really helpful. [/quote]

lol things like “conscious discipline” do NOT work unless the kid is naturally compliant. If they are naturally compliant, anything will work. Whenever I read those stupid parenting books and blogs, the description of the kids’ behavior is so incredibly mild that I laugh. Get back to me when your kid is repeatedly hitting you and other kids. you can’t emote your way out of that. you have to set firm boundaries, and past the toddler stage, you do that with a combination of positive and negative reinforcement. [/quote]

You have it backwards. The conscious discipline and similar styles were developed specifically for kids who are not compliant and therefore do not respond well to traditional discipline. The whole point of these approaches is to give kids who really, really struggle with behaving a bigger toolkit for handling their emotions.

My kid is "naturally combative". She's stubborn and can get very upset when she doesn't get her way or when things are not exactly how she expects them to be. If we try to punish this behavior, all that happens is that emotions escalate. She becomes more and more irate. But if we use gentle parenting methods, she becomes more gentle. She also has learned to communicate these feelings she has that lead her to get so angry. She will say to me "I just get so mad and it makes me want to hit and hit and hit." And we talk through that and discuss options for when she feels that way that don't involve hitting people. And guess what? She doesn't hit people anymore. It doesn't mean she doesn't feel that way ever. It just means that she has learned to identify those feelings, talk through them, and learned some alternatives that will de-escalate the situation instead of making it worse. It doesn't mean there are NO punishments (if she does hit someone, she is immediately removed from that situation, though not to stand with her nose to the wall, more likely to sit alone in her room or the car). But the focus is not on punishments but on learning better ways of handling things.

If you can use a tactic like "nose to wall" and it doesn't lead to worse, escalating behavior, you're the one with the naturally compliant kid. And I still think in that situation, it's probably teaching your child the wrong lessons. But maybe they are just a more chill child and don't need as much self-regulating education as my kid does.[/quote]

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