Reply to GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]

If you think "she's allowed to have male friends, but not male friends that are attracted to her" is a reasonable rule or one that you have the right to enunciate or enforce for your "gregarious, fun, vibrant" girlfriend, you are an idiot.  Men will be attracted to her for the same reasons you are.  The question is whether you trust her, and despite her almost pathological honesty with you, it's clear you do not.[/quote]

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OP

Actually there you have it wrong.  What I am trying to figure out is not whether this"rule" which isn't a rule is reasonable.

What I am trying to figure out is:

A.  Was the guy actually asking her out on a date or asking her to go talk as friends?  That is a big difference.  Bringing a friend was a smart move--agreed-but it also shows that she herself was concerned and knew on some level he wasn't really asking her to go talk about dating. [b] He was testing the waters and framing it in a way where it could be a date or not a date.  She solidified it as "not a date" with the friend and talking about you.  Remember, it's not like she gave this guy her number.  He got it off the team list and reached out to her unprompted.  The way she handled it keeps him from being rejected/upset and allows her to see if he could possibly be a friend.  She's going to see him in the future because their kids are on a team together.  [/b]

B.  Assuming this was a date, should I be concerned that she went out with a guy who she knew was asking her on a date? [b] It wasn't a date, because she made sure of that.  That you continue to be concerned is a sign of your mistrust, not anything she did wrong.  
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C.  This isn't about controlling her behavior.  At the end of the day it is about what I want in a relationship.  Do I want to go out with a woman who I am in an exclusive relationship with, planning a future with, who goes on a sort-of-date with a guy who it seems she knows doesn't want to be friends but wants a lot more?  [b]Sure sounds like you don't, but you're still framing her actions in the worst possible light.  That's why you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.  
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So for all your attacks on me, please answer this:  If you were in a committed, long-term relationship, would you be OK with your partner gong out with a woman/man, when your partner knows full well the woman/man doesn't want to be friends but wants a lot more?  SO much so that he/zhe had to take a host of steps to prevent the date from getting the wrong (actual) message of agreeing to go in the first place?  [b]I am a woman in a relationship with a man so this scenario would likely not happen to me for a number of reasons. But to create a roughly analogous situation: if my husband was put in this position by someone at his job who could potentially make his life difficult if he let her down directly, and he did what your GF did, bringing a coworker to make it about work, mentioning me and our happy relationship, and telling me about it and answering my questions, I would be okay with it.  And to the extent I was bothered by it, I would be bothered that someone put him in that position, not how he handled it.  But I love and trust my husband and don't hold it against him when other people also notice he's a catch.[/b]

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I'm legitimately exhausted by you and the misogynists in this thread at this point and hope your GF finds someone new.  No more posts from me on this thread.[/quote]

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