Reply to GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Something doesn't add up.  She was intrigued by the offer, which is why she accepted and brought the friend to justify actually following through with it.  If she were not interested she would have shut the door instantly. 
[/quote]

I agree and asked her about this.

Here is her answer--obvi paraphrasing.

"In my marriage I ended up with no friends of my own. We had lots of friends as a couple but I didn't really have my own.  In divorcing, I am determined to have a cadre of my own friends, men and women.  When this guy called, I figured he is in my circle.  I see him at games and such.  He could be a friend."

This is both why she said she wanted to go; And, why she said she didn't invite me to go with.

I offer that without comment, not that I don't have feelings around it.

By the way, I'm all for her having a circle of friends that she sees, talks to and so on--men and women.  I wouldn't want to take that away from her.  I think it is good for her and us.  I want her to be happy.

That said, what I asked here remains my concern: was this "date-not-date" really a friend thing?  Should I be concerned about it?

I'm good with her doing friend things with guys who aren't trying to f*^k her, but if the guy wants that, it doesn't seem like a fiend thing to me--and not something I can go along with.[/quote]

You should do her a favor and break up.  Every update you look like a worse boyfriend.  She's being incredibly honest and transparent with you and you are determined to believe she is a liar and a sneak.  She deserves better.

If you think "she's allowed to have male friends, but not male friends that are attracted to her" is a reasonable rule or one that you have the right to enunciate or enforce for your "gregarious, fun, vibrant" girlfriend, you are an idiot.  Men will be attracted to her for the same reasons you are.  The question is whether you trust her, and despite her almost pathological honesty with you, it's clear you do not.[/quote]

Her behavior was not pathologically honest, it was fundamentally dishonest. She is trying to pretend she wasn't interested in this guy. She is trying to keep her options open (shop for a new guy while keeping the existing guy). She can't be trusted. If she wants to have a new boyfriend, fine, she can go do that by herself after OP breaks up with her.

The only thing wrong with what OP is doing is that he's giving her so many opportunities to put a positive spin on her behavior so that he doesn't have to bite the bullet and break up with her. You can save yourself a whole lot of future pain by pulling the plug now before she does actually f**k some other guy. Which is going to happen soon. You've been dating for two years, the magic has clearly worn off for her if not for you. You'd be a lot better off putting your effort into finding a new relationship than trying to salvage this one.[/quote]

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