Reply to GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you would have been cool with your boyfriend going on a date with another woman to talk about dating? [/quote]

NP here.  The guy didn’t ask her out on a date, he asked to meet her as a friend and is someone she sees in her social circle for her child versus it being a random person.  To be honest, he was the jerk in this scenario because he wasn’t honest that he was asking her on a date, he did zero intel if she was dating before asking her out “as friends”, and didn’t make it easy for her to say no and avoid it being awkward because of the way he asked.  In this situation it shifted the burden to your girlfriend to figure out how to let him down easy, scramble to  recruit a friend to help all while trying not to cause friction in your relationship. I mean darn, she was just minding her business and trying to watch her kid participate in the activity.  Bringing a friend to the outing was the best way to “tell him that you aren’t interested without telling him that you aren’t interested” and then she explicit told him that she is in a happy relationship to bring the point home.

Bottom line is she made sure to not put herself in a questionable situation of being alone with him or hiding anything from you and you want to be a Monday night quarterback on what she should have done differently.  If you were in a situation where you had to reject someone that had some sort of power to make your life very difficult who didn’t directly ask you out, and at no point did you meet that person one on one or hide the information from your significant other and you set the person straight on your relationship status, I don’t think you would appreciate your SO faulting you and saying you did it all wrong.[/quote]

I'm not sure how you read that from what I wrote--from the replies sure, but not from me.

Yes, the guy was the jerk.  I now more than ever believe he was asking her out.  He just did it in such a way as to put her in a bind--he didn't really ask me out and it would be awkward to say no to "just a talk" with a guy who I will see on sidelines at daughter's games.  The guy did that by design to get her to go; and to avoid being turned down.

Bringing a friend is a double-edge thing.  It shows she knew this was not just a date.  Why bring a friend to just a talk with a buffy?  But, it did send the guy a signal that she didn't want this to be a date.

Do I think this was the best way to handle it?  I'm NOT second guessing what she did. She handled it the way she handled it.   So there goes your point.

[b]What I asked at the outset was and remains:

A.  Was this really just a guy asking to talk with her as a friend, or was he asking her out?
[/b]
B.  [b]Should I be concerned about her going on a date-non-date period? [/b] It does seem problematic to me that she knew on some level this guy wasn't just asking to be friends (even if that is her intent) and she went out with him anyway--even if she took steps to keep it a friend thing.  I wouldn't do that to her.  I just wouldn't.
C.  [b]Am I over-reacting to this by being concerned?[/b]  I'm not making a big fuss, I'm trying to be introspective and gauge my own reaction.
[/quote]

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