Reply to I seemed to have missed the memo to "marry rich"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I hear you. My family is not like this, but I have friends who are. Honestly, I don’t care who people marry or what the prioritize when they look for a mate. None of my business.

What is my business is when some of these women who married rich on purpose want to lecture me or anyone about feminism. Do what you want ladies, but hitching your wagon to some rich guy so that you don’t have to worry about money is not a feminist choice. It perpetuates a lot of structures that hold women back. Oh, and if that dude is white and you’re white and your kids are white… congrats, you are also helping perpetuate white supremacy. So maybe to e down the Facebook posts about what a devout feminist you are? [/quote]

None of it is your business. Who people marry, their views on feminism…not your business. Nothing about this promotes white supremacy either. Your should really try to become a more intelligent person. [/quote]

1) Feminism is political, and politics are everyone's business. 
2) Anyone who goes around being vocal about their views on feminism should be ready to account for their own choices, but especially wealthy white women. It is so common for rich white laides to be very ra-ra feminist when they want people to be nice to them or they want to claim victimhood.

The person who quote Mikki Kendall upthread is spot on. You can claim you're a feminist all you want, but if your entire lifestyle and the well being of your children relies on your white husband's high income and the cheap labor of women of color, your feminism is nothing but a social media brand.[/quote]
So now white women need to pass some test with you if they simply hold the belief that women and men deserve equal opportunities? Exactly which very specific way do we have to live and move through the world to not have the fault of all that is wrong with America at our feet? [b]And I'm very confused about the "entire lifestyle depends on cheap labor of women of color" comment. Could you expound upon that?[/quote]
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NP here - absolutely. Our kids had a POC nanny and POC preschool teachers and I get weekly cleaning by other POC. My saving grace is that I am POC myself and pay them living wages, because I get it and I'm successful because of them. I cringe when I hear women expecting nannies to work for $20/hour and care for 3 small kids, so the moms can work and play feminists. For starters, I think paying living wages would be a great thing.  
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I was under the impression that PP was arguing against SAH with her argument. I had a PT nanny whose children were already out of the home, but I paid her 75% of my salary then decided to SAH because it was silly to do that. But really, do you think she was happy to lose her $28/hr gig? It's complex. It's not like my friend's nanny would otherwise be making 6-figures in another profession if white people stopped employing her. If suddenly white families only wanted to hire white women to do the nannying, cleaning, etc that would be insane. What is the solution? Oh right, not hating on other women and recognizing that the men are all laughing at the top while we call each other Karen and argue about if we're self loathing enough.[/quote]

I am the PP and you are projecting. I don’t have an opinion on being a SAHM. That’s a personal choice that has nothing to do with me. I am talking about the way white women rely on women if color to perform what they deem to be low status work (childcare, housework, etc.) while then presenting themselves to their mostly white friendships as feminists.

A lot of wealthy white wines cannot even see the women all around them all the time who are working for poverty wages while doing work that enriches the lives of these who’re women and their families. And then these same white women will encounter some sexism at work or in the media that impacts THEM, and suddenly they are quoting Steinem and talking about equality. These women are not engaged in movement feminism on any level. They just like using feminism as a tool for reinforcing their privilege when convenient. [/quote]

I'm curious what they might do as a solution? Stop hiring these people? I'm pretty sure they don't want to lose their jobs/clients. I think the fault lies with the patriarchy and capitalism and we are all doing what we can in our limited spheres (you know, assuming you're not a trumper nazi). I don't have any domestic help and I'm not wealthy, but I don't even think there would be a way for them to cut the daycare an extra check, pay the cleaning company more than they're billed for, etc. And you might be forgetting that if they tried to talk to the owners of these companies, they'd get dismissed because, yes, they are women. This attitude of "we have it worse and you're not prioritizing US" is bonkers. Most white women in DC are liberal and vote for people who they hope will implement policies to help WOC. I don't know any actually rich people that pay their nanny only $20/hr, even for one kid. They all make $30/hr+ benefits which is $75k/year. That's not much less than I currently make.

I find it hard to believe that you have actually witnessed in your own life outside of social media a rich white woman paying her nanny $15/hr and then turning around and quoting steinem. The only person I know in real life who quotes steinem also gives a f***ton of money to Planned Parenthood and her local food bank. Like, a LOT. But you wouldn't know that about her because I'm very close to her and she's private. White women have the privilege of being white, but that doesn't mean we aren't also oppressed by men (/the patriarchy). I mean, if white women were as all powerful as you claim, Hillary Clinton would be president. She was 100% brought down by misogyny despite outsmarting, outclassing, outEVERYTHING her opponent. And now it's totally acceptable and effective to silence any and every white woman by calling her a Karen. It's the same thing as saying "you are useless, Feminism isn't a tool we weaponize, we are truly trying. We can't get there in one summer, but if you beat us down then we will never make it. [/quote]

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