Reply to S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I’m *really* surprised you would take her lack of interest so personally after you read that book. It makes me wonder if you really internalized some of the most important parts. Remember how the author talks about how feeling obligated to have sex or feeling like your partner is being pushy is a common “brake” that women have? Giving your partner a book in the hopes that she would have more sex with you is definitely pressuring her to have sex. I am not surprised it didn’t work. Some women would obviously be okay with it but it’s totally natural that it would turn off a lot of women. [/quote]

Asking her to read a book with legitimately helpful information isn't being "pushy." [/quote]

Is there a word for “pushy” that doesn’t have a negative connotation? That’s what I mean. It’s like giving an overweight person a treadmill. Objectively, there is nothing wrong with it, and it might even be really helpful. But our unconscious (and the part of our brains that decide whether or not we want to have sex is unconscious) isn’t objective. With sex, all of us respond to stimuli that aren’t objectively sexual or not sexual.

Rational or not, if I knew my husband wanted sex and gave me that book, I don’t think make myself want sex, no matter how hard I tried or wanted to want sex. And with this kind of thing what matters isn’t right or wrong or rational or irrational, what matters is working with our biological and mental realities. [/quote]

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